hi,
I’ve been on and off with my ex partner father of my 3 children for 16 years. he’s been in and out of jail numerous times. had a life of drink and drugs that he’s chose over my family loads of times. hes cheated more times than I can count and I always put that down to he was off his head. he’s recently chose drugs and drink and today it was too much. I’m trying to help him but today I realised he’s past that. I’m hurting, I’m fed up, I’ve had enough, I want peace. it’s hard
Last updated on:2026-02-07T01:29:03+05:30
Comments (4)
what finally made today feel like the breaking point for you? like what happened that made it sink in this time
i hear how tired you are.
i was with my ex too, addiction, jail scares, cheating i kept excusing because “he wasn’t himself.” i hit that same wall where i realized love wasn’t saving him, and it BROKE me
I want to share something that’s been on my heart, and I’m trying to find the words to say it gently. I know you have a huge heart and love your family deeply, which is why this is so hard.
For 16 years, you’ve dealt with a cycle of jail, substance abuse, and infidelity. You’ve spent so much energy trying to help him, but today it seems you finally realized he is choosing that life over the family you’ve built. The pain and stress of raising 'four' people—your three kids and your partner—is an impossible burden to carry alone.
I hear you when you say you want peace. That peace starts when you realize:
It is not your job to fix an adult. He is responsible for his own choices.
Your primary responsibility is to yourself and your children. You deserve a stable, peaceful home where you aren't constantly walking on eggshells.
I’ve been in that place of codependency before, where I poured everything into a partner who wouldn't take responsibility. Leaving wasn't easy, but finding support through trauma counseling and groups like CoDA changed everything for me. I haven't being to Al-Anon but you may find it helpful.
I am so proud of you for recognizing that enough is enough. If all you do today is breathe and get through the day, you’ve won. You are strong enough to get through this, but you don't have to do it without support. I'd highly recommend the book Boundaries by Cloud and Townsend; it was a lifesaver for me.
You deserve a life that isn't defined by someone else’s chaos. I believe in you.
We are all here for you.