There’s a U-shaped hole in my day

I used to think that as long as there were "good moments," the relationship was worth saving. But then I learned about the 65% Rule, and it changed everything.
​What is the 65% Rule?
​The 65% Rule is simple math for your soul. It says that if you are unhappy, unseen, or emotionally drained more than 65% of the time, the relationship hasn't just "hit a rough patch"—it’s already over. You are living in a deficit. You are spending more "peace" than you are earning back.
​How it broke us
​In my relationship, the math was rigged. He was happy because he was the only one being "seen." His feelings were validated, his mistakes were hidden, and his narrative was the only one allowed to exist.
​Meanwhile, my 65% was filled with:
​Hyper-vigilance: Having to look at my feet in public so I wouldn't be accused of looking at other men.
​Isolation: Being banned from co-ed fitness classes and forced to stop reading romance books or watching "chick flicks" because of his jealousy.
​The "Bipolar Lens": Any time I tried to address his verbal or physical abuse, he dismissed my reality. He told me I was "crazy" or that I wasn't seeing things clearly because of my bipolar diagnosis.
​Why I finally left
​I realized that he didn't want a partner; he wanted a character he could control. He would post on Reddit about our "problems" to get sympathy from strangers, but he conveniently left out the parts where he talked down to me, controlled my movements, and used my mental health as a weapon against me.The hardest part to swallow is looking back at how much work I put in. I was the one constantly taking feedback, reading the books, listening to the audiobooks, and looking inward to see how I could be better. I took his "feedback" to heart and actually was trying to be a better partner.
​But it’s impossible to sustain a connection when you are the only one meeting the relationship halfway. It sucks to realize that while you had a growth mindset, they weren't even ready to take an honest look at themselves. Whether it was a lack of maturity or simply not loving me enough to put in the effort, they stayed stagnant while I focused on growth and learning new things about communication and myself.
​You can’t build a future with someone who is committed to their own denial. I’m done working on a relationship that they weren't even willing to show up for.
. I stayed until my unhappiness reached the point of no return. I realized that being alone and having a "U-shaped hole" in my day is infinitely better than being with someone who makes me feel invisible in my own life.
​I’m not "crazy." I’m finally seeing clearly.

Last updated on:2026-02-09T15:04:03+05:30