I’ve been involved with my ex on and off for about a year and a half. I was 17 when we first met and now I’m 19. He was actually 39 at the time though he told me he was 32 I only found out later that he had lied about his age. That age gap has always been a shadow over us even when things felt good.
He says he loves me. He’s said it many times. He talks about a future together traveling building a life being serious. He wants to include me in his world his friends his plans. On the surface it sounds like commitment.
But in reality his actions rarely match his words. He disappears prioritizes partying and his own life makes promises to change but keeps repeating the same patterns. When I pull away he chases me. When I stay he takes me for granted. I feel like I’m constantly adapting waiting holding space for him while slowly losing myself.
What hurts most is that he tries to treat me well but somehow still ends up doing the opposite. I feel guilty for not wanting the life he keeps offering but at the same time I’m drained. Loving him feels like I’m always choosing between myself and him.
I care deeply about him and I believe he cares about me in his own way. But I don’t know if that’s truly love or just attachment comfort and control. I’m exhausted confused and stuck wondering if he ever really loved me or if he just loved having me there.
Did he love me or did he only love the idea of not losing me?
Last updated on:2026-02-12T20:37:02+05:30
Comments (3)
A 39 year old starting something with a 17 year old, and lying about his age, is not a small detail. That’s not romance. That’s deception.
Healthy, emotionally mature 39 year olds don’t lie about their age to date teenagers.
They date people their own age.
Those weren't roses he was carrying, they were only red flags. He's taking advantage of you! Regardless of how kind, charming and caring he may seem.
Maybe, but it doesn’t matter if he’s a liar who doesn’t treat you well. Grown men who go after teenage girls are defective. He wants someone he can manipulate and who doesn’t require anything of him. Someone his age can see through his BS and know he’s a loser. Stay away from him and meet someone nice who’s age appropriate.