🌿 Today’s Breakthrough: Managing Cravings and Choosing Me 🌿
Hi everyone. I wanted to share some of the powerful lessons I learned today during my Breakup Masterclass. If you are struggling with the urge to reach out to your ex, please know that what you’re feeling is a completely normal biological response.
The "20-Minute Rule" for Cravings ⏱️
I learned that those intense, obsessive thoughts and the desperate desire to call or see an ex are actually the brain "withdrawing" from dopamine. Here’s the light at the end of the tunnel: these cravings usually reach their peak and then begin to subside within about 20 minutes.
If you can hold on for just 20 minutes, the urge will either stop or drop to a level that feels manageable. The next time you feel that "withdrawal," try to give yourself that window of time for the wave to pass.
Breaking the Dopamine Loop 🧠
I also realized how damaging it is to "check in" on them. Looking at social media, reading old emails, or scrolling through photos gives the brain a tiny hit of dopamine that keeps us stuck. It prevents new healing pathways from forming and actually strengthens the attachment we are trying to break. Every "peek" is like reopening a wound.
State-Change Exercises 💃
To get through those 20 minutes, I’m leaning into "state-change" activities to boost my endorphins naturally. Some of my favorites are:
Dancing or rollerblading
Yoga and meditation
A brisk walk or a workout
My Journey Today: Affirmations and Boundaries ✨
I started my morning with Healing Affirmations for Victims of Narcissistic Abuse (on YouTube). It reminded me that I am resilient and worthy of peace [00:03].
I spent the afternoon doing some "digital housekeeping"—transferring important files and finally deleting my old email account so my ex can no longer contact me. It was incredibly hard. I found myself caught in the trap of reading old messages and felt that pull to hold onto the past. I even wrote a letter to explain my need for No Contact, but I realized I’m not ready to send it yet. There is still a lot of anger and hurt there, and I’m still processing my own side of the story.
One Step at a Time
Even though I know there was abuse, a part of me still hopes for change because he is in counseling. But for today, I am choosing my own healing. I am learning to break No Contact down into "small, manageable bites."
For anyone new here or struggling: you aren't alone. I’ll be posting a template soon for how to communicate a No Contact boundary for those who need a place to start.
Stay strong. We can do this, 20 minutes at a time. ❤️
Last updated on:2026-02-17T07:38:05+05:30
Comments (7)
I still haven't found the courage to delete his old messages yet. I am trying not to look at them. Thank you for sharing your story.
when you say a part of you still hopes because he’s in counseling, what do you think that part of you is holding onto
I hope that he will work on himself and be honest with the counselor. I hope that he will develop a few new skills that will help him to manage his thoughts and process emotions. I don't have all the answers. I hope he can talk about the pain that I have caused him and that they can give him tools to deal with that and heal. I want to hope that we will find out way back to each other once we have worked ourselves but I know we aren't good for each other. I don't bring out the best him. ❤️🩹
i love how you’re breaking no contact into small bites. that’s what helped me too.
Thank you for sharing.
learning about the dopamine withdrawal too and feeling both relieved and annoyed 😭 like wow… my brain is literally detoxing from him. the 20 minute waves were REAL for me. i’d sit on my hands so i wouldn’t text. the social media peeks kept me stuck for months. deleting old emails felt like ripping off my own skin. so yeah… i feel this. choosing you, even when a part of you still hopes he’ll change, that’s huge
Thank you for sharing your story.