I forgive myself for all of the times I packed my things but didn't leave because he asked me to. I forgive myself for all the plane tickets that I purchased when I tried to leave him that I never used. I forgive myself for staying after he punched the wall. I forgive myself for staying after he pinned me down in the hotel room. I forgive myself for all the times I tried to break up with him and block him but I took him back when begged and promised to changed. I forgive myself for loving someone who only cared about there feelings, wants, and needs. I forgive myself for letting him tell me I could take fitness classes if other men were going to be there. I forgive myself for letting him ruin holidays and family events. I forgive myself for letting him tell me what I could wear or when I could wear make up. I forgive myself for looking down at my feet when we went out because he would accuse me of checking out other men. I forgive myself for staying with him even after I found out he had previous assault charges made against him from his ex. I forgive myself for staying with him when I found out that he had a previous straining order from his ex for a year. I forgive myself for staying with him when I found out he was lying about talking to an ex. I forgive myself for staying with him when he decided to contact another ex. I forgive myself for staying with him when I noticed he had a second cell phone. I forgive myself for not asking him to show me what was in the other cell phone. I forgive myself for letting it go during an argument when we were breaking up when he said I've been cheating on you. I forgive myself for believing when he tried to gaslight me and say no. I said I think you're cheating on me either. I forgive myself for staying when I know he was gaslighting me. I forgive myself for saying when I know he was verbally abusing me. I forgive myself for staying when he started to use my vulnerabilities and my bipolar disorder against me. I forgive myself for not loving myself enough to leave. I forgive myself for saying that I deserve this abuse because nobody else could love me because I'm bipolar. I forgive myself for believing his lies. I forgive myself for thinking that control is love. I forgive myself for staying with someone who I argued with frequently. I forgive myself for all the times. I hurt him when I tried to leave. I forgive myself for all the pain and hurt I caused him. I forgive myself for being dishonest when I was trying to spare his feelings. I forgive myself for staying when he tried to use my past against me. I forgive myself for staying when he would say things like I think you slept with more people than what you told me. I forgive myself for staying when he tried to embarrass and humiliate me in front of his family.
Last updated on:2026-02-25T02:47:10+05:30
Comments (10)
hey
hi.
when you were looking down at your feet so he wouldn’t accuse you, did you feel like you were disappearing a little?
Yes. It made me feel small and invisible.
i stayed after the wall punching too. after the pinning down. after the “i’ll change” speeches that sounded so real in the moment. i kept forgiving him and forgetting myself. the gaslighting made me question my own memory. and when he used my anxiety against me? that part broke something in me.
the way you keep saying “i forgive myself”… that’s strength. you survived something that was NOT love. that was control. and i’m really proud of you for even being able to write this
Thank you for your kind words and support. they mean the world to me. Thank you for sharing your story. it helps to know that I'm not alone.
I hope you find the better one and let everything go behind
Thank you for the encouraging words.
When I read what you wrote, I recognized myself in several of your sentences. And honestly, hang in there, hang in there, we'll get through this. The first step is to leave him and the second is to forgive yourself, and you've done that, so well done! Keep going, move forward, and love yourself 🤍
Thank you for your support and for sharing your story of growth. It helps to know I am not alone.