Dropping off my stuff❓❓❓ I'll make sure to rate the service, let’s hope it’s better than the relationship⭐👎
I recently ended a 10-month long-distance relationship that had become verbally abusive and showed signs of escalating to physical violence. I found out a few months ago he has a criminal record for abuse with an ex, so I made the hard choice to go "no contact"—I blocked him and changed my phone number and email.
The Problem:
When I last flew home from his place, I had to leave behind some clothes, toiletries, Christmas gifts, and a brand-new weight set. I told him clearly: I don’t want it back. I told him to sell it, keep the money, or donate it.
The Manipulation:
Despite this, he is insisting on driving 12 hours to my house to "return" these items.
Targeting my family: I live in a basement suite at my parents' house. He says he will call my dad (who has heart problems) to coordinate the drop-off. I hate that he’s dragging my parents into this stress.
The "Hero" Narrative: I suspect he’s doing this to look like the "good guy" to my parents or to guilt-trip me into a final "goodbye" meeting.
The Power Play: He told me this would be my last chance to see him. Even though I’m holding onto "no contact," a part of me still has feelings and is struggling with whether or not to say a final goodbye.
My Fears:
I’m worried he’s just doing this to hurt me one last time, rub a new relationship in my face (once he gets one, or manipulate his way back into my life. I’ve already prepped a script for my dad to keep things brief and firm so I don't have to face him, but the anxiety of not knowing when he might show up is eating at me or how I will actually feel when calls.
Has anyone else dealt with an ex who weaponized "returning property" just to break your boundaries? How did you stay strong and keep from opening the door and talking to them?
Last updated on:2026-02-23T18:08:02+05:30
Comments (4)
if he never brought up the stuff again, would you actually want to see him? or does it only feel tempting because he framed it as your LAST chanc
i had an ex who suddenly “needed” to return a hoodie i literally told him to burn. he used it as this dramatic excuse to show up and look like the decent guy. it wasn’t about the stuff. it was about access. and the whole “this is your last chance to see me” line… mine said that too. it messed with my head way more than i want to admit you’re not crazy for feeling pulled and still wanting that goodbye. trauma bonds are REAL.
The best thing to do is avoid contact with him as a whole. When he drops your things off, let your father take the things at the door, keep it brief and see him off. If he is someone who has physically and verbally abused you keeping your space is a good move. You realizing that this is manipulation is a good move because you need to do what's best for you and after this break contact with him. You're the only person you should be caring about now in this trying time and if he can't respect the boundary he did not care about you in the way you did about him and there are steps to take with the police to ensure your own safety. Don't put yourself, mental and physical well being at risk for someone who wasn't good for or to you.
Thank you for the kind words and advice. It was really nice to feel seen and supported today. Your kindness will not be forgotten ♥️