I'm letting a narcissist, take me round and round and upside down. I recognize it, but still keep letting it happen. Almost 5 years later, this cycle is absolutely ridiculous, so damn draining. But no matter how hard I try, I can't get off this ride!
Last updated on:2026-02-26T19:02:05+05:30
Comments (11)
Im in the same kind of loop. He pushed me away. I know if he is coming back I will have my heart open for him again. idk why. Just love him so much but he's breaking me
Hello everyone. I am new here. day one. not even an hour in yet. I am just done with the continuous of again. on again cycle. he is extremely narcissistic. I am drained.
they put narcissists in the same category as psychopaths and sociopaths. they're killers! not necessarily physically but they definitely kill ur soul. "killing u softly" is probably accurate for those of us dealing with a narcissist in our life. and it's so sad.
I want you to know, first and foremost, that I hear you. I know exactly what it feels like to be on that ride—the one that goes round and round until you feel dizzy and drained. Please don’t be hard on yourself for "letting it happen." Leaving a narcissistic and verbally abusive relationship is one of the hardest things a person can do.
People often ask, "Why don’t you just leave?" when the real question should be, "Why doesn’t the person causing the harm change?" There are so many invisible chains that keep us there, and I want to validate some of what you might be feeling right now:
The Psychological Bond: Between the "love-bombing" highs and the "gaslighting" lows, it’s easy to become addicted to the hope that the loving person will stay.
The Practical Walls: Whether it’s financial dependence, sharing a home, or having your support system slowly chipped away, the logistics of leaving can feel impossible.
The Constant Guard: Walking on eggshells and living in a state of high anxiety becomes a "normal" that is exhausting to break.
You are not alone in this. I recently left a similar situation where I was isolated from my family and my best friend. I stayed through the signs for a long time, too. For me, the turning point was finally opening up to my family.
If you aren't ready to leave yet, that is okay. You don’t have to go until you are ready. In the meantime, here are a few things that helped me find my footing:
Safety Planning: I called a crisis line, and they helped me put together a "to-go bag" hidden away, just in case things got bad quickly.
External Support: I found free trauma counseling at a local women’s center. Having a professional to talk to who understands this specific dynamic is life-changing.
The Reality of Change: I learned that many narcissists only promise to change during the "crisis" of losing you. Once the threat of you leaving is gone, the behavior usually returns. Understanding that only about 1% truly change helped me stop waiting for a miracle.
Resources: The book or audiobook How to Leave a Narcissist by Dr. Sarah Davies
You deserve a life that is stable, peaceful, and consistent—one where you don’t have to defend your existence or explain your heart every single day. You deserve to feel safe.
I believe in you, and I am here for you whenever you need to talk. Take your time, and be gentle with yourself. ❤️
thank u so much for this! ur reply is so detailed and has provided me with a lot of very useful info. I truly appreciate u! this is unbelievably helpful! 😍
is he claiming to love you and be there for you but you don't see it in his actions?
is it also a ldr?
exactly! this man is all talk, no action whatsoever!
what usually pulls you back in? is it the apologies, the intensity, the fear of being alone
his apologies mean absolutely nothing at all to me at this point and im a loner, so I dont fear being alone. I think it's the trauma bond we have tht always pulls me back in. so hard to get away frm tht and let it go.
i was stuck in that same narcissist loop. i KNEW what was happening. i could name the gaslighting, the love bombing, the discard. and i still went back. it’s addictive in the worst way. the highs feel unreal and the lows wreck you. it’s not that you’re weak. that trauma bond is real and it digs in deep
it is totally addictive like drugs! and I completely see he truly doesn't get it and never will. his brain isn't wired to allow him to b a decent person. I am so aware of tht which makes this even more ridiculous for me to continue to put myself thru this. 🙃