Day 20 No Contact: We Tried Again, But This Time It’s Really Over

Day 20 of NC
This is a long one please bear with me.🫶

After being broken up for about two months (six months ago), my ex and I decided to get back together after a long, emotional conversation. We apologized, said we loved each other, and agreed to try again slowly and more intentionally.
Almost immediately, things felt different. He was extremely busy with work, constantly exhausted, and emotionally guarded. We barely saw each other, and most of our communication turned into short calls and brief check-ins because we “had nothing to talk about” and he was always tired. Because of the breakup and time apart, I needed reassurance and consistency to feel secure again.
When I expressed anxiety or asked for reassurance, he felt accused and became defensive. During our first fight, he said he didn’t understand why I couldn’t fully trust things again and felt drained by what he called “silly fights.” I felt emotionally unheard and increasingly insecure, and I cried almost every day because he wasn’t the same anymore.
That first fight started from a casual comment he made about being too busy to do things people our age do, like clubbing or hooking up. The way he worded it triggered my anxiety. At first, he laughed it off and I didn’t want to argue, but later when I said it genuinely bothered me, the conversation escalated into a fight. I tried explaining that early anxiety is normal after a breakup and trust takes time to rebuild, but instead of reassurance, he became defensive and aggressive. We talked it out and said sorry, but after the call ended i started crying and feeling even more unheard, anxious, exhausted and hurt.
I asked Reddit for advice, and almost everyone suggested breaking up. The next day, I asked to meet him in person. I showed him the post and explained that I didn’t want him to ever react aggressively toward me again. He expressed that he don't want to be questioned on his values(cause he told me way before that he hated clubs, but what triggered me the most was the hookingup comment)We apologized, talked it through, and thought we resolved it.
The second argument became his breaking point. After days of barely talking (I was also busy with my senior project), we had a quiet call that turned into a discussion and then another argument. He said I was “interpreting things wrong” and accusing him, like in the previous fight. Eventually, he became agitated and said he never wanted to be accused again, that it was a trauma for him from the past. I apologized, we said “I love you,” and hung up. I thought we moved on but he didn’t.
After that, he became even more distant and emotionally cold. I cried every day. He rarely initiated plans, showed less affection, and I felt like I was just existing in his life rather than being chosen.
When I later asked to meet in person after my final project defense to talk, he said he couldn’t guarantee time and preferred to talk over the phone. That’s when it really hit me that we weren’t aligned anymore.
During our final call, I told him how unhappy and anxious I’d been. He said he still cared but didn’t have the emotional capacity to continue and no longer saw a future after the recent fights. We decided to end the relationship. He even said maybe the Redditors were right and I agreed.
After the breakup, we exchanged messages. I asked if he truly loved me, and he said yes. He explained that he felt drained, unheard, and exhausted, not that he didn’t care and atlast said I'm the one who changed him into being like this. I tried to explain my side too because I've said sorry alot and when he returned thought he forgave and wanted to rebuild us but he would always pin that over my head and will not ever move on from that (i used to push him away and had an avoidant responses when we used to fight ig), but eventually he said continuing the conversation would only hurt us more and that he needed to end it for his own well being i said goodbye and since i still carry the guilt i said I'm sorry for what I've done and i hope this doesn't harden you and that you remain the kind and gentle person i knew and loved.

It hurted at first, and I miss who he used to be. I still cry sometimes grieving what we used to have and coz of loneliness that i fell. i felt relief at first too but atleast this time, I know I tried honestly, communicated, and didn’t walk away without effort.🫶❤️✌️

Last updated on:2026-02-26T20:49:57+05:30