my soul died
So went out bar hopping to try to get laid and couldn't even find anyone- or I am not attractive maybe or too desperate-my town is dead and I feel dead. I miss my ex 😕 😪 😩
All the posts by: DashRay355
ugly face
I feel so ugly - like if my face was pretty he wouldn't have left me- I get told I am pretty alot but I don't believe it because he doesn't love me
self worth
Struggling really hard with the way I allowed him to chip away at my worth- he does not determine my value to myself- the verbal assaults were very damaging to my soul and my aura, my energy. Stomped
let it go
I'm not sure this is helping me let go or cling to the thought of him. I know the trauma bond is weaker but still there and counting days just keeps him in my head(not that he isn't all I obsessively
life sucks
I feel like he has stolen my life my identity my joy my laughter my smile - everything and no I don't have friends he got those too. and he doesn't care if I am alive or dead
Restaurant
So I didn't see his truck and he has taken over the only other Restaurant in my small community so I thought it was safe to go get a taco I walked in sat down and waitress that I know forever says 'is
Secrets
So like I said in previous posts we drank alot: during those drunken conversations I divulged deep secrets from my adolescence- and previous relationships and the difficultiesIhad when my husband was
the more I write
I have realized the more I write on here the less I am craving contact. I am still obsessed and looping but not as much and with an acceptance to move on - this is done nothing matters nothing changes
Missing my bread crumbs
So just sitting here obsessing again and I realized how important those little bread crumbs were! They were my high- some brutal withdrawal going on here. Dating app helps just texting complete stran
drinking
so part of what ruined us was alcohol and excessive drinking- my fault but he always supplied it - even when I would tell him not to he would bring and offer it- I know it was ultimately my fault for
killing me
so today it's just killing me that he is never coming to my house again- he lives right around the corner! it's awkward
no sex
He said he never wanted sex with me again and that hurt because we had lots of great sex in the beginning and he told me he loved me
struggling
So struggling with my own dignity and self respect- as I begged for him sometimes in public where I would see hi.. Now it's over and I am embarrassed- He always gave conflicting messages- one minute l
Ashamed
I am so Ashamed in myself that I tolerated unbelievable verbal abuse to the point it fucked with my self esteem and self worth 💔
jealousy and envy
So overwhelming feeling of jealousy and envy that he can just get over it like it was nothing so I guess it was nothing to him and the whole world to me
Loving my shame
Today I did eft tapping to release the shame I feel for my mistakes and allowing myself to be abused. Today I am loving that girl inside me who was abused and only wanted ti be loved. Some heavy deep
Sunday blues
So last Sunday is when I broke no contact- something about Sundays triggers me- I can't figure out what that is other than we loved being with each other on Sundays- I am not reaching out today and kn
Now I'm just angry!
So I put a rubber band on my wrist and snap whenever that fucker pops in my head. So my wrist is red and I am pissed off that I keep snapping! But does allow me to realize how much I need to retrain m
He is dead to me
So I did a ceremony for ex and put a crystal he gave me in in the box- I just have to live like he is dead too- just like losing my husband except my husband loved me so this should be easier to griev
I hate this feeling
I am so lost, no connection, food doesn't even taste good and I have severe insomnia- I don't want him back and had first experience of accidentally seeing him and acting like we don't know each other