you see my ex broke up with me about more than a month ago.. she always broke up with me and I always begged her to stay and tried so hard to change myself so that she would stay etc.. bcz she always believed everything is my fault like without exception.. m the main reason we don't work out no matter what.. so we had that toxic dynamic.. she blocked me as she always did and for the first time I blocked her too which made her write to me (about a week after the breakup decision) saying that she felt hurted bcz she got blocked.. and that she's sorry bcz she always blocked me but she actually wasn't rlly thinking of breaking up until she saw the block etc.. n that everything is my fault n m the worst prsn she has ever met and she wishes to never see me again.. (please keep in mind she broke up with me in a split of a second and blocked me right away).. anyway I was trying to cope I wrote to her too because to me that was the end even if I didn't want it 2 happen.. n I shared how I felt during the whole relationship, I told her that I messed up that's true but uk there were things where u also messed up.. n she got mad at me even more.. n I got triggered into my old behavior n started begging her please let's talk n get back etc.. until I gave up bcz my sister spoke some sense into me.. n last week her friend(my ex's) texted me saying that my ex misses me n loves me n she is "considering" going back tgtht but given how she is as a prsn she wouldn't take the first step so if I'd like to do smth I can contact my ex through her n I was like hmm okey.. but the more I talked 2 the friend she was like talking 2 me with this tone of like it's my job bcz I ruined everything n I am the toxic prsn n if I ain't planning 2 make things work in a healthy way I better stay out of it.. n it felt so unfair but I ignored it bcz I still love my ex.. n the friend asked me not 2 tell my ex she contacted me bcz she would b mad at her n I was like ya wtv ok.. so I emailed my ex with a whole paragraph saying that I would like to talk things out n that I am sorry for the hurt I caused and that there are things that I need to work on fs (bcz ik it fs) n I would like to break the cycle of toxicity we have n I am here to talk whenever she feels ready.. n then after like 4 days I sent her another email wishing her good luck on her exams (bcz the friend told me she has exams now).. n my ex replied last night 2 the 2nd email where I wished her good luck with "thanks u too" n that was literally it. the other paragraph it was like ignored or idk..
so idk wht 2 do at this point.. should I reply given there's nth 2 say back 2 a "thanks u too" I don't wanna start chasing again bcz it hurts.. it just makes me feel like m forcing myself onto her, she even told me that so many times (n she would say later she didn't mean it rlly)..
if u read 2 this point thank u very much:")..
Last updated on:2026-03-24T00:19:18+05:30
Comments (9)
you imagine going back, do you see anything actually changing, or the same cycle starting again?
I do imagine going back tbh.. I actually wish if we could go back but only if things would go differently.. like we would act more mature n handle things more adult way than this wtv childish toxic cycle that has been happening for over a year.. bcz I love her still.. but idk if she sees things the way m seeing them at this point..
i know you love her, but i had to stop replying when it felt one sided like that. that short “thanks u too” after everything you sent, i took that as my sign to step back and not chase again.
yeah I am trying so hard not to reply.. bcz even if I wanna say smth wht m I supposed to say.. I am also hurt.. and I did step on my hurt writing to her because I still love her and hearing that she still loves me n misses me made not even resonate a bit..
that loop where they break up, block, come back, then blame you for everything… i kept begging too and it made me feel smaller every time. that “you’re the problem” thing sticks in your head even when it’s not fully true.
exactly.. smh I feel like it's my responsibility to make things work bcz unconsciously to me it's all my fault so I gotta fix things.. I gotta b the one reaching out and trying to get her to talk.. it just kinda confirms to them too that we're the prblm and there's nth to b held accountable for from their side.. which is unfair.
u gotta let her go, love should be mutual sided, and breaking up isn't a game, make it clear to her, if she says she broke up with u then there is no coming back from that...
u see the story is way more complicated.. I tried 2 make it as short as possible here.. I miss her so much but not the her that made me feel unwanted n forcing myself on her.. that feeling was the worst thing I've ever experienced.. it's true she sacrificed alot 4 us.. but I never left her.. she was the one who always decided 2 end..
im sorry ur going through this man