My girlfriend and I have been broken up since August 3rd and kinda just started no contact. months ago in November during our “talking stage” she cheated. we were exclusive and she knew it. she reassured me for over a month I was the only guy but in reality she was building a romantic connection with another. I came home from school and found out and we “broke up” I wanted no contact but she didn’t respect it and kept telling me “it’ll be so much better if we try, we won’t know unless we try” “I’ll die trying to prove it to you”. I gave in, because she was beautiful and kind and did care about me but perhaps made a decision because of bad influences and drunk lust in the moment. I never fully got the chance to heal, I still hurt to this day about it. the trust never fully came back. however my love for her did and my wanting to be with her did. in June, I went back up to school to move my stuff out and got drinks with friends. an old flame added me back and begged me to come see her. we did the deed. I cheated back. my girl found out August 3rd and now we are broken up again. l did not ever think I was capable of hurting her or cheating. but the bad feelings of “she’s gonna do it again” came back to haunt me mixed with the alcohol and lust. she now has “‘no contacted” me and I really feel like there is no hope between her and I because we really are both so damaged now. I’m now graduated and she’s away at school now 2 hours away. her and I both know we love eachother to the ends of earth but both made dumb lustful decisions. does that mean we aren’t meant for eachother? who knows. are we young and dumb and both gave into bad influence and our negative thoughts? definitely. I would die for this woman and I thought with my little friend instead of my big brain and now I’m in a horrible mental situation. she was my rock and motivated me to work hard for our future and now I just feel empty. I never had the intention of hurting her but the devil on my shoulder in the moment overpowered me with lust and I’m gonna carry that guilt around with me forever. I feel as if now since we have both done it to eachother it will be a forever cycle of hurting eachother as revenge. I never want that, and never would hurt her again. but I don’t see the same for her considering she’s beautiful and a division 1 athlete. she will have guys swooning for her all day everywhere she goes. I fucked up bad so I’m not looking to hear that I fucked up. I just wanted to confess my sins because I really am alone in this process. I would do anything for her back but I think that right now and for the far foreseeable future, she may act out of revenge and resentment and further damage our relationship. just as I ended up doing months later. moral of the story is, once you get cheated on, it’s a matter of time before things come crumbling down. my strong character and resolve crumbled to nothing when the perfect storm of stress and insecurity loomed over me. I’m ashamed and even though when she cheated it was arguably worse, I’m just gonna take this on the chin and be a man about it. thanks for listening
Last updated on:2025-08-27T13:03:03+05:30
Comments (2)
i get what you’re saying about not fully healing before getting back with her. i rushed back too once, thinking love was enough. it wasn’t, the trust never came back. i don’t think you’re a bad person for messing up, just hurt and human.
when my ex cheated i told myself i’d never be that person. months later i was drunk and bitter and did the same shit. i hated myself after. it didn’t even feel good, just like i gave up a part of me. i carried that shame around for way too long.