Body giving up

Dear Clark,

My love,
My Clark,
My greatest heartache and greatest comfort,

I don't know if this letter will ever find its way to you. I don't know if the universe will ever let you hear what I'm about to say. I don't know if these words will mean anything anymore since they're coming from someone you've long left in the past. But I need to say them, need to write them before my strength disappears again.

Today is November 19. A day before your birthday. And I'm greeting you now because I'm not sure if I can make it to tomorrow. My body is weak, Clark. So weak. I can hardly move. I cannot stand on my own. I cannot even sit without someone supporting me. This illness? It's taking everything from me. Every ounce of strength. Every bit of energy. Every part of the life I used to have.

But even as my body fails me, even as I lay here in a hospital bed unable to lift myself, my heart still remembers you. My love still remembers you. And I still miss you in ways I cannot explain.

So, Happy Birthday, Clark. My greatest love. My once-in-a-lifetime connection. My softest memory and deepest wound.

I want you to know something I never stopped feeling: You were, you are, and you will always be my greatest love.

There hasn't been a day I didn't think of you. Not a day when my heart didn't pull itself back to your memory. Even when months have passed. Even when silence stood between us. Even when miles separated us. You remained the soft place in my heart I couldn't let go of.

And if this is the last time I get to say it then let me say it tenderly, gently, truthfully: I love you, baby. I still do. So much that it still hurts.

I hope, someday, somewhere, you find it in your heart to forgive me. Not to take me back. Not to rewrite the past. But simply to let peace settle between us. To let healing come. To let our story rest gently instead of painfully.

I don't know what tomorrow will bring. I don't know if I will wake up stronger or weaker. I don't know if I will still be here when your birthday comes. But I wanted you to have this, my greeting, my love, my truth, because you deserved to hear it from me one last time.

Wherever you are, I hope you are happy. I hope you are loved. I hope life is kind to you.

And if, even for a second, you remember me on your birthday, let it be soft. Let it be warm. Let it be something that doesn't hurt you.

I miss you, Clark. Happy birthday, my love. Forever, even when you don't know it, even when you're far.

Loving you always,
Alyssa (Phineas, Arlo, Fifi, and Mang)

Last updated on:2025-11-20T21:00:05+05:30