So my ex left me due to depression, past trauma and ideation and needing to be alone to heal, not drag me down, not feel blame or shame of not giving me her all, not feel guilty of not being enough of a "proper gf". The breakup was amicable (she called me a perfect loving caring bf and that she still loved me and had didn't want this and had struggled for a week to come up with a way she could manage both her mental health and me) if one sided tho slightly messy as I asked questions about yhe reasoning behind the breakup to the point she got mad and started yelling at me "DO YOU GET THIS BREAKUP ISNT ABOUT YOU? DO YOU? DO YOU? DO YOU? DO YOU? DO YOU?"
After the breakup I struggled with detaching (this is my first ever break up) and broke NC 3 times (when Id noticed shed unadded me or blocked me somewhere). When I did she'd say stuff like "Forget that I exist", "Stop caring about me, it's another stress I don't need and we're broken up which means you don't need to be here for me" and "Stop msging me and leave me be, go off and love someone else, every time you msg its upsetting the waters and not helping, I'm trying to distance my emotions from you". I ended up blocked.
Reached out a month later via email cause I'm an idiot. She responded and said :
"Go fuck yourself! I don't want to talk! I have nothing to say and don't want anything to hear! I HATE you! Okay?! Deal with it.
Stay out of my god damn life! For once and for all! I am not returning to you! EVER! Not for what you've put me through! And I do not give a shit about your feelings and needs to tell me or whatever! So! Stop following me around like some desperate eager pup and fuck off!
Stop trying to contact me here and whatever god damn platform you can find! I do not want to hear from you ever again! You are being a dick! I don't love you anymore! I do not! So screw away! I HATE YOU! I do not want this! I do not want you! I am more okay than before with you screwing around and not giving me space! And I do not miss you one bit! I GOD DAMN DO NOT WANT TO TALK TO YOU! Beg all you want! Die for all I care! You are dead to me already! God damn piece of shit! Doesn't understand the words "leave me be"! You are desperate so much it is hurting me and annoying me and frustrating me! Go live your life! Cuz I don't care about it anymore! Haven't cared since I blocked you! So fucking go annoying someone else! And stop bothering ME!
I feel horrible, like sick in my stomach. I hate myself like I ruined all chance of reconciliation and the relationship itself, I keep pouring over every single mistake and despite her words feel like it's my fault I lost her. Like why couldn't I just shut up. Can anyone tell me how to stop hating myself? People have told me I don't deserve that verbal abuse no matter what and to have my self respect to acknowledge that and walk away but boy do I miss her. I feel like everything's my fault.....
Last updated on:2025-12-28T23:00:02+05:30
Comments (5)
I understand how you feel the need to blame yourself and that you ruined the chances of getting back together but I don’t believe that is true. it seems you were an amazing partner considering even after she broke your heart you were willing to still give things a shot and be there for her is saying a lot. she is obviously not in a place in her life where she can be in such a mature relationship and as much as it hurts you need to accept that and maybe see this as a blessing in disguise because some of the things she said are extremely hurtful to someone who cares and cared about you deeply. you need to learn how to self love yourself and surround yourself with people that see your worth rather than people that destroy it. please don’t hate yourself for any of this, you are just grieving and struggling to process the loss but time will heal and you got this, one day at a time
Hey thank you for your comment and yeh I wouldve done anything for her....tbh probably still would, hell I was willing to pay for therapy for her or anything while we were separate cause she meant everything to me she really did.....yeh I am slowly ig coming to terms with it all, it's been a month just idk think Christmas has made me reminiscing ig and think of her (I won't reach out tho dw).
@NeonJet197 I’m the same, the holidays are a really hard time to go through when you are used to having that person there. maybe use that money for therapy yourself, it can be a really good tool even for 3 sessions just to talk to someone who won’t judge and be there and support you is a lovely feeling and helps with healing. I would still do anything for my ex if he came back even though I know it’s not healthy for me as it’s keeping him in my head but I know if I keep trying to move forward I will get there and you will too.
@FrostJet787 thank you fir your comments and advice really, and yeh we will, I keep reminding myself it's gonna be alright and that I'm a human not a monster and I just made a few mistakes
just got to me today, been a month but idk if its cause of Christmas just her words cut deep today