My ex left me for mental health reasons and feeling depressed and ig the usual things people say when they leave for this reason. During the breakup she insisted aggressively that she felt the same about me, that there wasn't another reason and that this wasn't cause of me as I am "nothing but a perfect loving, caring bf".
Despite her agressive insistence I keep thinking about all my mistakes in the relationship.Things have been different for the last month, she's been distant, cold and not as happy, bubbly and ig lovey dovey around me and things haven't been the same since we had an argument over a stupid white lie I told. I recognised things have been different and did bring it up and she did too but insisted everything was okay and nothing bad was coming and repeatedly said she was happy and told me if she can't reassure me of that we should just break up cause it was getting annoying that she couldn't reassure me (which ik is a huge warning light as being okay with threatening a breakup is not a good sign). I kinda knew or felt she was emotionally detaching from me and this week has been dropping breakup hints but told me she was happy the day before and even the day of the breakup said we were fine, and I feel blindsided still somehow tho also like I'm an idiot and should've known and trusted my gut.
Just looking at it now I feel like the whole breakup is my fault and I can't get it out of my head that I ruined this relationship cause lord knows she was so in love with me and now she doesn't even wanna talk to me or see me or have anything to do with me. Any advice please would be greatly appreciated. Someone told me I'm blaming myself so I can have some control of the situation when I need to accept its out of my control.
Last updated on:2025-12-29T21:32:53+05:30
Comments (12)
have you tried giving yourself space from her messages or social media? sometimes stepping back helps your brain stop looping over “what ifs.
I have since deleted them to stop myself and she's blocked me everywhere so
i know it hurts, but obsessing over what went wrong just traps you. focusing on your healing and boundaries helped me let go of that guilt
thank you I will try
ugh i’ve been there 😔 my ex also left because of “personal stuff” and i kept replaying every single thing i did wrong. it’s brutal but i slowly realized none of it was entirely on me.
takes 2 people ig to destroy a relationship
I'm sorry you are going thru this. it's hard not to blame yourself when a relationship is over and we reflect. yet, it's important to give her the benefit of the doubt. She should have the maturity to tell you if there is something you did to cause this. if she doesn't have the maturity, that is not your problem. if she's lying, that's not your fault either. and more importantly, if she says her mental health is the reason, I would believe her. its hard to be committed to a relationship when one is struggling to commit to themselves. sending lots of comfort. I hope things get easier as time passes.
thank you for your comment yeh you're right, guess it'd just me trying to gain control
blaming yourself is an easy way to feel like you’re still in control. but one day you’ll see it takes two for a relationship to break down. you’re not all to blame. the lack of meaningful communication is probably the biggest thing that broke it down and you need both partners for that. whatever is meant for you can’t be screwed up. hang in there one day this happening will make sense.
thank you for your advice and yeh people have told me that, guess it hasn't sunk in yet
@NeonJet197 trust me it takes time! you don’t wake up shortly after it happens and feel that way. in the past it’s taken me at least 6 months. it’s harder too because our brain likes to play tricks on us during our healing journy. sometimes researching those brain processes can help us get understanding on why we feel the way we do post breakup
@SparkBuzz217 thank you I'll follow your advice and do some research