168 hours, 7 days, 1 week and if my math is right I've slept maybe 22 to 23 hours that whole time. Its bad enough I don't really feel guilt but I feel like this breakup is burning through the rest of my emotions, stripping me if my humanity. I'm depressed, angry, lonely, and the one person there was that I would rely on is the one who caused it. Had a solid real hallucination yesterday so that was fun. I find the idea of locating the other guy less and less risky and more and more appealing, even though nothing has changed. Nothing changes and the idea of payback becomes more doable. That's a f----- fantasy, its just as bad an idea now as it was then. The difference, as I start to see things that aren't really there, the more realistic payback becomes to me. And the way I feel, or lack of as seems to be the problem here, leads me to believe I can and have to react. it's been so long since I experienced anything other than despair or rage. Eventually it'll make sense to act on them, though by then I'm sure the sleep deprivation will have me seeing all kinds of interesting not actually there things by then
Last updated on:2026-01-12T07:01:21+05:30
Comments (6)
is there anyone around you right now who knows you haven’t slept and that you’re seeing things, or are you carrying all of this alone
no, I am alone in this
i’m really glad you named the payback thoughts as a fantasy. i had those too when i was running on no sleep.
i’ve been in that sleep-deprived, ragey place too. barely sleeping, seeing things, feeling hollow. when the person you leaned on becomes the wound, it messes with your sense of reality so bad
keep firm, congratulations for the 7 days. Try to get more sleep, some natural stuff like melatonin. increase self care, do things that nouturish your soul. you can do it.
I know it's tempting but honest to god please don't do anything. It's not worth giving them the satisfaction of seeing you freak out like that over them. I hope you can find some way to sleep better that was the biggest struggle for me after the breakup.