He struggled with alcoholism and was verbally and emotionally abusive. It took everything in me to finally find the strength to leave even though it was incredibly difficult.
Now that I’m out of the relationship I’ve noticed something about myself that I don’t really like I feel overly eager for male validation. I catch myself craving attention reassurance and the feeling of being wanted. I think this stems from being treated so poorly for so long. After years of feeling dismissed disrespected and emotionally unsafe part of me just longs to finally know what it feels like to be treated with care and respect. I also feel like I now have a clearer sense of what I want and need in a partner which makes the temptation to seek it out even stronger.
At the same time I know I need to be alone right now. Healing takes time and rushing into something new isn’t healthy. I don’t want to repeat old patterns or use someone else to fill the void. Still I can’t deny that I feel exhausted from being mistreated and almost desperate to experience something good and healthy for once.
Has anyone else felt this way after leaving an abusive relationship? How did you manage the urge for validation and stay focused on your own healing? Any advice perspective or personal experiences would mean a lot.
Last updated on:2026-01-12T22:20:05+05:30
Comments (4)
when you imagine being wanted right now, is it more about safety and tenderness, or about feeling chosen after so much rejection
leaving an emotionally abusive partner left me STARVING for validation. after years of being dismissed, i just wanted proof i was wanted. it made me feel ashamed at first, but it made sense once i saw how starved i’d been
I hope you can find the healing you need. I just remind myself that I wasn't in the position for a good relationship in the first place and think about the fact I never want to do what my ex did to me to anyone else. So we just have to look inward first. We'll never be perfect but we will get better.
There is nothing wrong for what you are feeling as it takes time to get over things and this is completely normal and for the part of validation and support yes it needed in hard time as mind and heart are not at same things