She hates me and I don't blame her. Fills me with sorrow and guilt knowing it's my fault.

It's 3 months now since the breakup and coming up on 2 NC. I can't say I didn't see it coming fully. I knew she was distancing and checking out after a fight where I lied to her about something dumb. She said if we broke up over that we were never meant to be and that her change in personality was cause she hated her life, despite me used to being the "one good thing in life that that made her happy". Felt like I had let her down and snuffed that out with my lie and I kept making mistakes, hurting her, annoying her and upsetting her again and again. I don't think I was a bad bf, I did somethings right but messed things up cause of insecruity, wanting to impress you, being anxious or letting you down on little promises or being manipulative unintentionally, etc. I'm sorry for my mistakes you were my first love, always hoped you'd be my last.

The breakup was like a tornado. She left for mental health, she had said ideation things, made me promise to move on if she sucessfuly attempted, talked about euthanasia, claiming I did nothing wrong, that I was "nothing but a loving caring, perfect bf" and that this wasn't cause of me and she didn't want this too but it was the best possible option she could think of cause of all the reasons a mental health breakup have. During the breakup I hurt her and annoyed her again with my questions. But she said she loved me as she left. I messed up more begging her to stay as she said it was hurting her and asking me to stop making it difficult. Eventually she blocked me but I managed to msg her and get her to undo it but she rightfully called me childish.

After I broke NC 3 times, despite her telling me to leave her alone, to go love someone else, that she was trying to distance her feelings from me and didn't need this and that if I did one more she would disappear, that it wasn't helping and making her angry I couldn't listen. like a heartbroken idiot. Ran into her a month later and the amount oh harsh words venom and hatred I receieved I deserved every drop. I chased and dried up all of the love she had left for me, pushed her away fully. Ruined all chance of reconcilliation. Like despite her words I messed up this relationship and it will always haunt me. I want nothing more than to speak to her and fix this, to rekindle it all, to go back in time and strangle past me so he does better, so he never makes the same mistakes and doesn't become complacent but the kinda man she deserves. But it's too late and I will forever be cursed with the knowledge that the most amazing woman alive, who used to love me more than anything in this world, hates my very being and sees me as desperate.

Last updated on:2026-01-22T05:13:03+05:30