So I've come to terms with the breakup 4 months after now and come to acceptance it's over and everything like I'm fine with it all and that we're done done. The thing I still ig struggle with is the self blame spiral, like ik it's normal ig to blame yourself after a breakup, but I feel like I've made 0 progress on it where everywhere else I have progressed.
Like people have told me it's part of growth or pulling them off a pedestal and like oh it's not all your fault but no matter what I always loop on everything in the relationship and during/post the breakup that went wrong is all my fault and that I was a bad bf and the one responsible for ruining everything and get haunted by what ifs. Like legit everyone family, friends, online strangers, therapist has said the opposite I mean even her at the time of the breakup before it turned messy but ig the harsh words she's used last time we spoke has me questioning that since she was able to speak so cruelly towards me.
But yeh ig idk is that normal? Like I feel like everywhere else I've made relative progress but this one thing I'm still like stuck in the mud and if people let me I'd talk about it every single day a lot and I'd make out I was like Satan and she was the purest angel alive. Like litterally everything is my fault, my brain does like mental gymnastics to make it so anything I can think of like even something that would objectively be on her is cause of me. Idk is that normal? How do you overcome it?
Last updated on:2026-02-12T04:33:03+05:30
Comments (4)
when she said those harsh things at the end, do you think that’s the version of you she always saw… or was that just hurt people saying hurt things? sometimes i realized i was holding onto words said in anger like they were some final truth. just curious what part of it actually feels the most real to you
i’m not gonna lie, the self blame loop can stick around longer than the sadness.
i was “fine” 3 months after mine too. accepted it, stopped crying every day, even laughed again. but the self blame?? that part STAYED. i would replay every convo and convince myself i ruined everything. i’d literally turn her bad behavior into somehow being my fault. it was like my brain needed someone to blame and it picked me. you’re not crazy for that. i did the same mental gymnastics.
how did you overcome it?