I'm so sad. I had a very intense and emotionally complicated relationship. There was a strong connection, but also a lot of push and pull. He often felt overwhelmed and said he couldn’t find peace within the relationship. He struggled with commitment and felt pressured, while I was deeply invested and willing to give a lot. In the end, he chose distance and said he didn’t see a future with me. The breakup has been painful, especially because the feelings were real, but the dynamic was draining and unstable. He always came back, but I'm not so sure now. I just wanted to be chosen. He always said he never loved someone as much as me. There's also an age gap, he is like 15 years older. I just don't feel good enough while I gave everything. Im anxious all the time now, we are in no contact for 3 days now. Any tips?
Last updated on:2026-02-28T03:58:54+05:30
Comments (9)
do you think you’re missing him right now, or the feeling of wanting to be chosen?
I think It's both. I love him more than anything.
Because it is him. But I also really want to be chosen for the first time in my life.
when i finally did no contact, the first week felt unbearable. 3 days is still so fresh. what helped me was reminding myself that someone who feels “pressured” by my love might just not be aligned with me. that doesn’t mean i’m not enough
Thankyou so much🫶
The guy you're describing could well be me. 5 years of intense push-pull dynamic with a girl 12 years younger than me. She wanted nothing more than just being chosen for real. But I couldn't give her that. Everytime it got too real my mind would find all kinds of annoyances that I'd feel strongly about, and I would inevitably push her away for relief. And then I'd feel my love for her rise again and pull her back, almost in euphoria. I could never give her the stable love she deserved. She found someone else in january. I suppose its for the better, but I miss her every millisecond and I am filled with a million regrets.
Thankyou so much for your comment. It really helped me.
Can I ask you why you never could give her what she needed? Are you afraid of real love?
@DodoFizz980 I really love moments of love and togetherness, but I'm also defensive about my autonomy. Maybe im avoidant. Merging our lives seemed scary. I didnt trust her (and myself) to create a happy future. Also because I was co dependsnt anyway so I was afraid I'd be engulfed totally. I was also worried that I'd end up hurting her because of all my flaws. And I didnt want to be a disappointmwnt. So...i guess my system tried to push her away..for her sake and mine. And it did that by making me dislike all kinds of things about her..
I think he avoidant or he have someone. if he avoidant do u know he fearful or dismissed? how old both of you? if he avoidant he will back as long y'all not fight and he not find other girl. no contact pls never reach out text let him text u let him miss u u need focus yourself go gym journal out friend therapy keepbusy
that push and pull dynamic? i was in that for YEARS. intense chemistry, big words like “i’ve never loved someone like this,” but always one foot out the door. he’d get overwhelmed, say he needed space, then come back. i kept thinking if i just gave more, he’d finally choose me. it left me anxious all the time too loving someone who can’t stay steady is exhausting.