So...I just went through my first heartbreak as a 20-something with the first person who ever truly pursued me, and my first official relationship. We started seeing each other in April. As someone who struggles to open up and trust, I slowly became comfortable with him and developed feelings over time. Unfortunately, our “relationship” was more of a situationship (not physical), and after about five months, he asked if we could just be friends. There were reasons on both sides—differences in where we wanted to live, mental health struggles, and more. Even though I agreed to be friends, a part of me held onto the hope that things could change.
He often told me how much he missed me, how he still had feelings that confused him, and wanted to spend time together even as just friends. I genuinely enjoyed his company, and he was the first guy I truly dated. But it turned out he wasn’t who I thought he was. I recently discovered he had likely been in a committed relationship the whole time—and they just got married. He wasn’t exactly subtle, since we followed each other on Instagram, and I saw his friends and groomsmen tagging him in wedding posts. I only found out because he hadn’t been in touch for a few days, and I was wondering if he’d ghosted me. Once I realized, I told him I knew and blocked him immediately.
Looking back, I think he kept this going because (1) he’s in the military, (2) he was lonely, being in a different city from his girlfriend/fiancée, and (3) chatting with people on dating apps probably just filled the time. I was unfortunately one of the women he caught in this mess, while I was on the app looking for something real. I don’t blame myself, but it hurts.
Yes, I know I dodged a bullet and deserve better than someone who toys with my feelings. But it still hurts like hell to feel betrayed, used, disappointed, and just plain angry at the waste of time. Right now, I’m in that anger stage, struggling to deal with it. I know I left so many questions unanswered, especially since I blocked him without a second thought. I also realize that even if I got answers, it wouldn’t change or fix things for me.
I feel pretty lonely despite having a therapist, supportive family, and friends to talk to. I sometimes feel like a burden because I think I should be moving on faster, but I just can’t yet, which is why I came here. I’ve learned a lot from this experience, but it still hurts deeply. I keep wondering when the pain will go away, while also trying to give myself space to actually feel everything. I guess I’m just hoping for any encouragement or advice on getting through the tough days to eventually reach the better ones. ?
Last updated on:2024-11-07T18:06:19+05:30
Comments (7)
I'm sorry he turned out to be such a disappointment, but it's good that you found out now. One important thing is to leave any anger about him behind before starting with someone new—it’s challenging to meet genuine people, but they're out there. Just remember, sometimes the responses you get here can be blunt and brutally honest.
Whenever thoughts of him come up, try distracting yourself with a hobby, a good book, or a show. Someone better suited for you is out there, though they might not always turn out to be a romantic match—some connections may lead to friendship instead, and that’s okay. Distance can be a factor too, and it’s often not about anyone else in the picture. Look at this time as an opportunity to focus on yourself. You don't need him or anyone with those qualities in your life. Stay open, find joy in the little things, and in time, the right person will come along naturally.
Thank you for your kind words and encouragement. I really appreciate it
@Gabriella You’re most welcome! I suggest you try to relax and let things unfold naturally. It might take some time, so don’t feel discouraged. Remember, you’re the one in control of your choices—don’t let others make promises and end up making decisions for you. Choose someone who genuinely wants to make you happy.
I’m really sorry to hear about your heartbreak. It’s such a unique pain, like nothing else. I’m still processing my own breakup from last July. She was truly unlike anyone I’d ever been with before. Even though our time together was short, it taught me a lot, and the journey to heal has been eye-opening. Since then, I’ve been focusing on myself, especially by diving into some great books. Honestly, I feel grateful she came into my life just when she did, almost like it was meant to be. If you’d like any book recommendations, feel free to message me—I’d be happy to share the list. Stay strong; you’ve got this, and I believe in your strength to get through it.
Thank you, and I’m truly sorry you had to experience that. I’m glad, though, that you were able to take something positive from it and are on your way to healing. I love to read, so please do send your list my way! 😊
That’s really tough—heartbreak is so painful, but you’ll come out of it stronger and wiser!
Thanks