me n my ex were long distance we met online fell hard then met irl

me n my ex were long distance we met online fell hard then met irl. he left me once before blaming me for stuff going on in his life but we got back together when we finally met. i was crying in his arms and he promised he’d never leave me again wiped my tears n said nothing could make him give up on us. he swore i’d always be his.
during our first break i asked we don’t get w other ppl but i was so low i couldn’t even get out of bed no friends no one to talk to. i made a dumb choice n downloaded hinge just to talk. this guy messaged me i told him nonstop i still wanted my ex n nothing would happen. i went to his place to talk abt my ex n figure my feelings out but he assaulted me. my ex found out abt hinge n was hurt which i get we were supposed to meet n talk abt it but it never felt like the right moment. we were romantic the whole time n then on my last night there he said let’s just forget it. i asked if he was sure n he said yeah.
before him i had one ex but it lasted a month n he tried cheating on me twice. he was only w me to make his friend jealous. i never got real love from anyone n was bad at expressing emotions so i had trust issues n would take things the wrong way get defensive overthink everything.
but my ex wasn’t great at communicating either he’d say things in a way that made me panic n then only realize after i got upset. he’d then send a message saying he didn’t wanna lose me. he also thought anytime i brought up something i just wanted to start a fight.
we were each other’s first love talked abt a future together having a family waking up next to each other forever. we were so happy laughing all the time super affectionate but he told me it felt like a chore for me to be w him. he knew i loved him but he didn’t think i liked him bc it seemed forced.
he wanted a break but i took it as he hated me n didn’t wanna be w me anymore. then he just made it a breakup n said it’s to stop us from arguing over “relationship stuff. next morning he texted saying he didn’t wanna lose me n wanted to fix things over call but didn’t have time to meet. i agreed but then noticed he deleted all his posts of me. asked why he said we aren’t together. i was confused bc he also said he still wanted me. i thought he did it to show off to someone like ig was his priority over us. he thought i was already starting a fight after he “just offered to fix it” n that started the argument that ended us.
i kept asking to call but he was never free. asked him what he wanted n he just kept saying idk for a week. then we argued abt seeing other ppl i said if that’s what he wanted just leave me. he thought i was telling him to leave so he was like fine i’ll leave you over text. while i was in a lecture. i asked to call after n he just kept saying why.
when we finally called i said i’d fix things i’d change i’d work on my overthinking but he kept saying he didn’t know what i could do n nothing would work. i was literally begging him hyperventilating saying i couldn’t do anything without him my whole life involved him. he just asked if he should send my xmas presents bc they were taking up space in his room. i told him i wasn’t eating n hadn’t eaten since he ended it n he just said eat then.
i was still trying to talk things out but he ignored me n just told me to move on starting w deleting my posts of him. i said that wasn’t my priority n that we should stop talking so i could grieve him. then he left me on delivered for over a day. i ended up messaging him asking to stay in contact but he ignored my calls n texts.
found an old message of his where he said he still wanted me in his life so i sent it back to him asking if we could do that. he just kept saying what’s the point. i told him even if the relationship wasn’t working rn we didn’t have to lose everything we knew everything abt each other we fell asleep on call every night. i didn’t wanna lose that.
since then he’s left me on delivered for 22 hrs now n im actually losing it.
idk what to do. ik it’s all my fault but he won’t believe i’ll change. i can’t stop crying. i came home from uni n can’t even do the things i was just getting used to before he ended it. i feel so lost.
he said it’s everything adding up n i get it but we both let things go. we both sucked at communicating n always realized it after the fight was over. it’s just during arguments we couldn’t see each other’s side. i don’t know how to fix this now.

Last updated on:2025-02-11T13:40:03+05:30