I only felt alive when I was with him like I literally depended on him for my happiness

I only felt alive when I was with him like I literally depended on him for my happiness. I’ve always struggled with close relationships and this was my first real one so it was everything to me. It sounds kinda cringe but I honestly felt like a kid again like giddy and excited for life with him.
Then he totally broke my trust liking and commenting on other girls posts then apologizing and saying he regretted it claiming he could only see a future with me. But he kept going back and forth saying he needed to get his life together and find a job before we could get back together. He’s unemployed and felt like he couldn’t be in a relationship without a stable job which I tried to understand even though he kept messing up. I’d make excuses for him saying he was just going through a rough patch but it felt like he wasn’t really in it anymore. He couldn’t even take me out because of money problems and I guess he started talking to other girls cause they didn’t expect anything from him. He kept saying he didn’t want to let me go but also made zero effort to make things work.
I’m honestly trauma-bonded to him cause it was such an intense up-and-down relationship with so many issues mainly financial stress. But I just wanted to see us grow and he just gave up on that.
It’s clear we’re not getting back together and even if we did my trust is pretty much gone. But even knowing I deserve better my mind is stuck on him. It’s been almost two months of constant crying and panic attacks and I still can’t get over it. I’m out here doing the focus on yourself thing hanging with friends and family but none of it works. I honestly don’t even know who I am anymore so all the self-love advice feels kinda pointless.
Can someone please tell me it gets better? I’m thinking about seeing a therapist or even getting on antidepressants. I know some might think it’s over the top but I genuinely feel like I can’t handle this. Anyone else gone through a breakup like this and felt like they couldn't cope even felt suicidal? I just feel so lost and stuck.

Last updated on:2025-02-17T11:56:45+05:30