So I (16m at the time) met my ex-bestie (29f at the time) online like a year and a half ago

So I (16m at the time) met my ex-bestie (29f at the time) online like a year and a half ago. We were randomly put on the same team in a game and we clicked super fast. We kept playing together after that
After like a week of gaming I opened up to her about being suicidal and thinking of ending it. Normally, I wouldn’t tell anyone but she was so sweet and caring I didn’t want her thinking I just ghosted her. So I told her.
She made me feel like I actually mattered and she did everything she could to help me. Gave me her number and told me to reach out if I ever felt like that again. She shared her own story of being in the same spot and said things would get better.
I never went through with it because of her. She was like an angel to me.
But slowly I started falling for her. Didn’t see it coming at all even I was surprised. I thought I couldn’t fall in love so I didn’t think being friends would mess things up. She was super mature respected my boundaries (since I was a minor) and actually cared about me and my struggles.
Fast forward a few months and I was in love with her. She was all I thought about like 24/7. It hurt when I wouldn’t hear from her for a few days. For weeks I’d dream about her every time I went to sleep.
But I knew she’d never feel the same. Since I was still a kid she saw me as just that and there was no way she’d want a relationship with me. So, the whole time I was in love with her I felt like I was just taking advantage of her kindness. I knew I had to end things because it was just gonna hurt more and more the longer I dragged it out.
Then she told me about some guy she started dating. I wasn’t jealous. I guess I knew she’d never feel the same way but I knew something had to change. So I sabotaged our relationship. Said something I knew would make her hate me and it worked. We stopped talking and that was the last time we spoke.
a year and a half later I’m still not over her. I’m writing this because I just had a dream about her this morning for the first time in forever. In the dream we were a real couple and she loved me. Thinking about her now kills me because I miss her so much. She was the only good thing in my life and I know she’s gone forever. I can’t see anyone ever being able to take her place or fill the hole she left in my heart.
I don’t know how to move on from this. Honestly I’m not sure I want to. She was the first and last person to show me true love and kindness.
If anyone has any advice I’d really appreciate it.

Last updated on:2025-02-28T16:24:32+05:30