Hey I just got out of a 3year relationship like a month ago. He broke up with me outta nowhere saying he was convincing himself he still loved me. I know it was tough for him he’d tried to leave before but I told him it was just a phase and he was overthinking it. I was super desperate for love cause my childhood was awful. At first it ended messy but we’ve talked since and it’s been better. I still love him not in love with him though but I want him in my life. My fam misses him a lot too. Ugh. He messed up so many times but I forgave him. The problem was I treated him like trash cause he didn’t know how to fix things and kept lying. I should’ve dipped when I realized he didn’t even know what he was doing. So it was toxic on both sides. He says me being so mean is why he’s not attracted to me anymore. I get it and I apologized but oh my god the amount of lies he told and how he broke my trust my anger in the moment made sense but now I regret it. It still hurts thinking about how he still had sex with me but wasn’t even attracted to me. I feel used and gross. I’m a survivor of some pretty messed up childhood so it hits harder. He was also the only person who knew about it. But I get why he did it he felt bad for leaving. I don’t want him outta my life forever I know we could be good friends but I don’t think he feels the same. He says we know too much about each other to just be friends. I respect his honesty but damn. I don’t get how someone could do this. Every morning I wake up feeling crushed not cause I want him back but cause he hurt me so many times and now all of a sudden I’m the ugly one. I’ve been better but it hits randomly sometimes. I hate that I get why he did this wish I could just be mad but it’s hard. Where do I go from here? We talk sometimes and it’s nice but what’s the point if he doesn’t wanna be friends? I’d love a fresh perspective or just some honest advice.
Last updated on:2025-03-04T12:51:11+05:30
Comments (2)
I feel you I’ve been there too with wanting an ex around as a friend. I used to be really stuck on it cause not only did we break up, but my friend group changed too. There was no drama or anything so it made things harder.
Looking back, I really wish I just cut all contact from the start. It sucks it’s painful and sometimes it feels like you can’t go a day without hitting them up. But in reality you’re just making it harder on yourself by staying in touch.
Delete their number or tell them to block you. Focus on right now you’re not in each other’s lives anymore. Do what’s best for you. After some time apart you’ll have more clarity about if friendship’s even a thing. But you gotta do the inner work and not keep thinking about the past.
As for them not wanting to be friends right now that’s their choice. It’s not a reflection of you. Just give them space.
Thanks this really helped! Have you talked to them since?