I know I need to move on but hurts. It feels wrong to have moments where I feel happy amd not share it with him. They broke up with me (after 1.5yrs) because my mental health was getting too much for him and he didnt love me anymore (for the past 2 months). But he also did things that didn't help.
One of the things I struggle with is my body image. One time even when I was sat next to him, instead of saying they were horny. Instead, he said he was going for a shit. Okay, I know I overthink but the way he looked at his phone before going made me suspicious. So I waited a bit before going up to see if I could hear him. I could hear him having a wank.
Afterwards I confronted him and he showed me that it was to some OF girl. This wasn't the first time he's walked to OF/insta girls, but the first time when he had me right next to him. That really fucked me up because I don't look like those girls and he was obviously choosing them over me. I know I probably should have broken up with him when he kept doing it. But I stayed and loved him. We also had a house together at this point.
What gets me angry now is that I once said I look at women's boob's and appreciate how they compliment their bodies. I am bisexual. He got upset about that thinking I was looking at them sexual. But I don't. Yet he's wanking off to online girls.
We've been broken up for a just over a month now and parts of me still wants him back. I am trying to improve myself and started seeing some professional for my mental health. I am letting him be the first one to contact me.
But I don't know if he decided he wanted to try again what I should do. Right now, part of me still wants him but I should say that if we are try again you can't be wanking off to only fans/ insta girls because to me it's mentally cheating and it effects my mental health. Or should I out right deny another chance?
Last updated on:2025-11-06T17:42:03+05:30
Comments (2)
if he ever comes back, make sure you’re not negotiating your worth just to feel chosen again. people who actually care don’t keep doing things that trigger your insecurities. right now, i’d focus on building peace without him, not waiting for him to choose you again.
my ex say he “wasn’t in the mood” but then i’d find out he was watching porn or flirting with girls online. it wrecked my confidence for a long time. i kept thinking, “why wasn’t i enough?” but honestly, that kind of behavior says way more about them than it ever did about me.