Caught in a web of cheating and lies: my heartbreak story

I. Am. exhausted.

We’ve been seeing each other for about 1.5 years. we are in our 40s with children of our own.

A year ago, I found out he was sleeping with his ex. We were technically just dating at that time, for about 4 months. but, he was the one, who on our 2nd date, ask that we don’t see other people while we see each other.

I kept seeing texts come in from this ex here and there and I brought up my discomfort. he claimed their sons were still friends so she reaches out sometimes to get his son to hop on a game with hers.

I continued to get more suspicious and finally looked in his phone. found out he had been with her the night before. I confronted him and left. he called and texted me 100 times, begging me to come back and talk. I did (and I will regret that for the rest of my life).

long ass story short- he had been hanging out with her the last few weeks, totally lying about it. sending me pics of him and a friend (who he said he was with) but they were just old photos he had saved. his ex didn’t know about me- he told her and she lost her shit. her and I spoke and she revealed so much more.

I stayed.

a few weeks later- I found a message to another woman, going on about how he wishes she would give him the chance to take care of her.

I stayed.

more and more messages were found. a few months ago I found out he had sent gifts to the Ex, and emails about how sorry he was and he misses her. (she has him blocked)

I stayed.

he has a porn addiction. early on I caught him watching it on his phone while we were having sex (I was often blind folded). he promised he would stop that. he did not.

I’ve caught him watching it to “prep” for us to have sex. I told him to stop. he did not .

we met with a counselor. nothing changed. I went on medication. that didn’t help.

the other night, I told him this was it. my final last suggestion is for him to try to quit porn all together and he would need to use an app where I can get reports. he said I was bullying him, being abusive and trying to control him.

I said the choice was his and if he didn’t want to participate then I can’t stay in this relationship. he said he won’t be controlled but is willing to work on the porn issue.

I won’t buy that.

he had texted me a few times since, just about what’s going in his life (it’s been 2 days). mind you, his aunt did pass away last week (he didn’t seem to care), so I’m the villain in doing this at a time like this.

I know I need to block him. when I do, he just calls from an unkown number or comes to my house. I know I should just get a restraining order.

I have this trauma bond with him. my therapist said he has groomed me and manipulated me so I feel guilty when I try to leave because he’s sad and he can’t cope.

I KNOW I need this to end. I’ve lost myself. I’m a shell of a person. my nervous system is completely out of whack. I want to be me again. I want to be happy.

Last updated on:2026-03-30T14:20:05+05:30