hi, I really struggle with the perception otters have of me after me and my ex broke up. i try to move on and to let go, but if i do that means its really over. i kinda still want him to care about me.
i want to heal, but i also dont want to change who i was. what once was. i was so in love and knowing that i'll never be that girl again is so hard.
we also have some shared friends, even though i dont talk to them anymore. we have a discord group together and i cant help but check if he chatted there. its so bad but its so hard not to know how he's doing. im also so afraid that i'll run into him in public so if i know what he's up to i can prepare myself.
when i post on my story on instagram i just feel wrong. i know he wont watch it but i still check alot if he does. im also afraid people might think that i post because of him because i dont but i can see why they would think so. im just so insecure about everything.
is this normal? will this pass? am i actually healing or just pretending to?
Last updated on:2026-04-29T00:11:55+05:30
Comments (7)
slowly cutting the small access points, like muting chats or not checking for a few hours at first. i stopped trying to control how i was perceived and just let myself be messy for a bit, that’s when it started to ease
thank you
you’re checking because you miss him, or because you’re scared of being caught off guard if you run into him
yeah both for sure
I feel you girl. I was doing the same. I usually post a lot on TikTok but when we broke up I was convicing myself I was posting for him to see it. I had a break down I just left my social medias because I wanted him to see my accounts empty so he doesn't have news anymore and I feel better to be the "mysterious ex" than the one that posts a lot and waiting him
to see
thats so relatable. it really feels so much better being the mysterieus ex. then he wouldn't get any updates and he would start wondering etc. sometimes i feel like i just want to move to the other side of the world so that i could let him feel how far away i really am. i just feel like he would start to miss me sooner when i disappear. but still i shouldnt really care about what he thinks or does because im not his responsibility anymore and the same for me
after my breakup i kept checking everything, stories, group chats, even when i knew it was hurting me. part of me wanted him to see me doing “okay” but also wanted him to still care, it’s such a weird in-between