Did i ruin my chance at love?

One random Saturday, 4/10/2025 my friends and she tells that don't open your instagram I was like why?? and she was like in full panic mode. Because she has my ID, but I was like what happened. What happened? Then I open Chrome, and I log in my Insta there and what I saw was the there was a follow request. And I was so in shock that actually, I took a drop for an exam, which he actually cracked, we were together in 11 12th class, like he was my classmate We never talked much, but he knew. In fact, everyone in the class knew that I had huge huge crush on him
not normal ye obsession
i would do anything for him.
but he chose to focus on his career instead, but I never expected him to send me a follow request.
after getting into college
That's so randomly!!!
and I was so shocked that for the guy was actually studying i took a drop for just to go same clg as his I was so shocked but I accepted the forequest, I didn't sleep till 7 AM next morning. I can't believe I was just having thoughts of like marriage and so much delusion. But I never knew the person who is my crush is not the person I have already dream of he wasn't the one i admire in class like on the Sunday like I didn't give the test because the test was of 10 AM, but I slept at 7 AM. And woke up at 11 AM and that time I had to go to DMart. Where with my friends to buy groceries and some other stuff.And before going, I asked my friend, what should I do???( to the same friend who just told me that he Send the Follow request), I ask her like, what should I do now he send me for it except for I wait for his and she was like, okay, you can go further and I was like, okay so I texted high, then I went inside DMart, and there was like a network jammer then network wasn't working there and I was just refreshing my page again and again, seeing that. If there is an reply or not and we took a like long hour till 4 PM. We were inside and I was waiting there When will we be Moving Out of store? And I would be refreshing my page again, just to see if he had replied, and yes, guess what, he replied hi . And I was so happy that I was dancing in that crowded place, I wasn't thinking of anyone else and I was so happy that my heart Was beating faster than normal\n My father called me and asked me to come back to the hometown on the same day and get back to the city on the same day like I would not stay at my hometown. I just want to grab some parcels and get back to my room in city. so he replied I was so panicked I was like what should I text
what should I do .....my friend was like I will talk in behalf of you
and I was like ok I was traveling to locals so i wasn't in position to text or talk in so much crowded place
so I was just reading chats
and chat goes like
she = hii
he =hii
she = kaise kya yaad kiya ?
he = aise hi
or btao sab theek
she =ha
he = koi problem toh nhi
she = problem toh hai pr mein bta nhi skti
he =Non academic problem bhi bta skte ho
she = tum ho meri problem
he =mein ?? aisa kya hai mujh mein
she =kya nhi hai
he=kuch nhi hai
she =aise bolu toh tumhari akhein tumhari smile tumhara aura psnd hai
but soch ke bolu toh ye sab nhi bhi rha tab bhi tum psnd ho
he =ok then tum itna keh rhi ho toh ..ek chance toh deserve krti ho
she = sahi mein
he = ha , let's see where thing goes
till here we see it's so happier convo but it's just starting of nightmare
after that day I was the who keep asking him how was your day
khana hua etc to which he only gave cold replies
don't even text first
he never asks about me
I try not to text him first and we didn't talk for an entire day
he replied my text 11hr late
i wasn't able to swallow my food until I get reply wasn't able to sleep
in this phase I only slept for 3 hours a day

I used to sleep accidentally waiting for his text till 11pm or 1 am and woke up at 3am or 5 am just to check his reply
he knew I wasn't able to handle that anxiety it made me worthless ugly
my friend texted him on same week if you want to stay just stay either leave her I can handle her
he was like I want to stay
he made plan to meet on next Sunday then cancels
but he liked my story so my anger vanished
but in next week I was so bad in health and weakness
checking phone in classess
can't focus
while looking at teacher thinking in 1st year students are not that busy why is he behaving with me like that I am ugly this is why .?? I wish I look prettier
so I texted on Wednesday let's end this and he was like u really want to end this
I said I don't want but your behaviour made me to do
he was like ok let's meet on upcoming Saturday18/10/2025 I was like this is what dream comes true look like
the guy I used to be obsessed with I used to dream of , the guy I used to admire he and me together
so happy
I apply face masks for 3 days got my hair spa done buyed perfume
and when we met he said he want to focus on his career ,friends and family
then what was I to him??
I came back I feel so ugly , ashame , next day was diwali and I ruined my holidays
I used to sit alone on room.crying
why don't I deserve love
I didn't get from parents and places where I supposed to be
why me
am I that bad ?? that people just can't be with me
I wish I look good
I wish I could be smart
but I think my mistake was Not giving him space
I used to reply his texts in seconds because I was scared to wait for an hours for a reply
I didn't wait for him
after Saturday I blocked him from all social media and he knew I went but he didn't find me important enough to stop or why did that happened
did I Do something wrong ?
should I apologise
no nothing
after months of no contact I sent him follow request on 3/3/2026 after watching emotional movie and he didn't accept ..m so I never contacted him ever after that..but I still think it was my mistake