My ex and I were together for six years. We were each other's first serious relationship and I truly believed we were going to get married.
We broke up two months ago and I'm still trying to understand how everything fell apart.
The day before the breakup I honestly would've rated our relationship a 9 or 10 out of 10. I had no idea she was unhappy. It wasn't a case of her telling me how she felt and me ignoring it. I genuinely didn't know there was a problem.
When she ended things she told me she'd lost the spark was overwhelmed by fears and doubts felt emotionally exhausted and needed to stop people pleasing and start trusting herself.
What makes this so hard to process is that she's extremely conflict avoidant. The very first time she ever sat me down and said "We need to talk" was when she broke up with me.
I know I wasn't a perfect partner. I got caught up with school and work and I probably didn't make her feel as valued or prioritized as she deserved. But if she had ever told me "I'm unhappy" "I'm starting to resent this" or "I need more from you emotionally" I would've wanted to work on it right away.
A few days after the breakup we briefly got back together. During that time she told me she still loved me but she ended things again because the doubts and fears were still there.
What hurts even more is that she's already seeing the coworker she always told me not to worry about while we were together.
For anyone who's conflict avoidant have you ever left a relationship because you kept your feelings to yourself until it was too late? Did you ever wish you'd spoken up sooner or had you already checked out by then?
I'm struggling to understand how someone can tell you they love you cry harder than you've ever seen them cry and still choose to walk away.
Last updated on:2026-07-01T18:25:12+05:30
Comments (4)
6 years and then realizing the other person was carrying a whole separate ending in silence is a special kind of shock. i’ve been there, not knowing anything was wrong until it was already over
do you think she had been pulling away in small ways before the breakup, or did it really feel like everything was fine right up until that “we need to talk”?
Sorry buddy. Maybe the relationship just run its course. But 9 times out of 10 there is someone else. You don't know him yet.
You have to look at the facts here. People dont break up like this.. unless they have somebody else. So most likely is that she was already cheating on you with the coworker. Once that "relationship" fails she will be back begging you...