I have an anxious attachment style and two years ago I got into my first relationship. She was an incredible person. I could write pages about how much she meant to me and it still wouldn't come close to explaining how special she was.
Our relationship was built on trust but my anxiety kept getting in the way. I would overthink things get jealous for no real reason ask too many questions and sometimes overwhelm her with my emotions without even realizing it. She had a secure attachment style and over time those patterns became too much for her. I didn't fully understand the impact I was having until she ended the relationship a few days ago.
I know I made mistakes and I carry a lot of guilt for them.
When she told me she wanted to leave I begged her to stay. I tried everything I could but nothing changed her mind. She told me she still loves me and that walking away wasn't easy for her either. She was simply exhausted by the constant misunderstandings and felt she needed to choose herself. Right now she wants to focus on healing and finding peace.
At first we agreed to stay friends but I realized after three days that I couldn't do it. She had been my partner just days earlier the person I wanted to marry. Pretending to be just friends was breaking me. I told her I needed to stop all contact and she understood.
She also told me that she has no plans to come back right now but she doesn't know what the future will bring. If she ever feels ready to try again she said she'll be honest with me.
Before we said goodbye she asked me to take care of myself and focus on healing. She told me that if I stayed trapped in guilt sadness and self-blame nothing would change. Even if we found our way back to each other one day we'd end up repeating the same cycle.
Anyone who has lived with anxious attachment probably knows this feeling. It feels like there's a heavy weight on my chest every second of the day. It's enough to make every breath feel harder every hour feel longer and every part of me ache with the absence of the person I thought I'd spend my life with.
Last updated on:2026-07-10T11:03:49+05:30
Comments (7)
I'm so sorry honey. That pain is the deepest gnawing pain I have ever experienced. Don't let it break you! You do need to put yourself first though. She showed you that she does not care about you or your suffering. You have to pick someone who is committed to you and shows you that every single day. You sound like an amazing partner! You didn't do anything wrong, except picking the wrong person. You are strong and you are going to overcome this!
i’ve learned that begging someone to stay only made me feel smaller. giving myself space and working on the patterns that hurt both of us helped me breathe again.
i was the anxious one too and i still remember replaying every conversation after my breakup. the guilt made me feel like i ruined everything, even though i was just scared of losing someone i loved.
when you look back, was there a moment where you first noticed your anxiety starting to take over the relationship?
I feel you. During my first period with my ex, she was the anxious one and I was secure. Then after a 6 month break, I realised I wanted her back and now suddenly I was anxious and she was secure. I overwhelmed her with my emotions and eventually the dynamic became toxic because we couldn't communicate anymore. We also tried staying friends but that is impossible with someone I had strong feelings for. No contact is the only way forward. The fire we are going through is designed to strip away all of our insecurities, not destroy us
My heart breaks for you
I have it too just follow your heart but remember doesn't matter if you read a book twice the ending will be the same