Why can't i stop thinking about him after our breakup?

i'm really struggling right now and i need help remembering that this person wasn't my soulmate.
the breakup came completely out of nowhere. just two days before he was texting me about how he couldn't wait to marry me and have kids with me. today he came over and i thought we were going on a date. instead he ended the relationship. while i was crying he just said i gotta go and walked out. the only explanation he gave was that we were in different places in life.
that part doesn't even make sense to me. i had just graduated accepted a job paying $90k a year and already saved $20k toward a house. he still had no idea what he wanted to do with his life and i had always told him i'd support him while he figured it out.
when i catch myself missing him i need to remember who he really was:
he was in a fraternity and was accused of raping someone. when he told me he mostly cried about how it had "ruined his life."
he would make fun of overweight women in public and tell me he wouldn't love me if i ever looked like them. he pointed out strangers all the time even though he was overweight himself.
every serious conversation turned into him shutting down or crying so we never actually worked through problems.
he had a way of making important moments about himself even my graduation dinner with my family.
he partied and drank constantly. i ended up drinking more than i ever wanted to just to fit into his lifestyle.
he had no real goals for his future and openly said he didn't think he'd ever own a home.
he had no plans to move out of his parents' house.
he was around $30k in debt from buying a brand-new car while still living with his parents.
he chose degrees based only on what interested him even when there were almost no job opportunities where we live and then wanted to go back to school for another degree with the same problem.
he complained about working full-time and had very little motivation.
he insisted on splitting everything 50/50 but whenever it was my turn he'd suddenly want the nicest restaurant. sometimes he'd just stand behind me after ordering and wait for me to pay even when it wasn't actually my turn.
he sighed and pouted constantly if anyone asked him to stop.
he didn't even get me anything for my birthday.
i know i'm grieving the person i thought he was. i just need help remembering the reality whenever i start romanticizing the relationship.

Last updated on:2026-07-09T21:21:12+05:30