Why can't i stop loving someone who's with someone else?

i'm in love with someone i never really had a chance with because he's in love with someone else.
i recently found out he's loved her since high school maybe even before that. they've known each other for years and i guess there was never really a place for me in that story.
maybe we were never as close as i hoped. maybe i built too many "what ifs" in my head.
but i love him anyway.
i love the little wrinkles by his eyes when he smiles. i love how he adjusts his glasses when he's curious how he leans in to hear me when it's loud and how he can make me laugh without even trying.
i could listen to him talk for hours and never get tired of it. i love that he actually listens too like he genuinely cares about what people have to say.
i still get butterflies every time i see his name pop up even when the message or post has nothing to do with me.
soon i'm leaving the city for university and he's staying here with the girl he's always loved.
we're never going to be together.
every big moment over the last few years somehow included him in my mind. graduation getting my diploma going to prom alone because we went to different schools every party every late-night cigarette on a balcony after a few drinks.
whenever another guy showed interest in me i caught myself wishing it was him instead.
i've fallen asleep thinking about him more nights than i can count.
i wanted to invite him to my goodbye party before i leave and finally tell him how i feel. it seemed easier to say something like that after a drink than over a text.
now i can't even bring myself to open his profile anymore.
i don't think i'll ever tell him.
and honestly i have no idea how i'm supposed to let this go.

Last updated on:2026-07-15T23:26:11+05:30