Me and my bf were together for 3 years, as perfect as it could get, we never argued, had a deep connection and knew things about each other we'd never told anyone. I truly believe he is my person.
He broke up with me 3 months ago after claiming he doesn't love me anymore but it never made sense to me.
After 2 months he came back and told me the real reason: his mental health. He was struggling, a lot, so he let me go. We started talking again and met a few times before we decided to try again. Things were beautiful, and so natural, he kept showing and telling me how much he loves me and how I kept him going this whole time.
We were back together about a week before we had a little misunderstanding, nothing big, just about plans and him accidentally double booking himself with me and his friend.
The next day I got a message saying it was all too fast and that he's not ready yet and that he needs to slow down because there's a lot going on. He wanted a month space without talking and was clearly upset when we spoke on the phone.
Initially I agreed but he has a habit of doing this so a couple of days later I asked if we could meet and talk. He never replied.
A few days later I was at a breaking point. I messaged him one more time asking why its so difficult for him to speak to me and that I also need him. He just said "I cant be the person you're asking for, leave me be please". And I did something I never usually do. I wrote a spontaneous message. A breakup message. He never replied to that either.
It has been 16 days and I have regretted doing it every single day because I know there's still so much love between us and I don't want things to end in silence with a breakup text.
On Friday the month of space he asked for is up. Do I message him to let him know my message doesn't reflect what I really want? What if I message and he says nothing? Or do I carry on no contact and see of he comes back?
Any advice would be greatly appreciated.
Last updated on:2026-07-30T00:53:04+05:30
Comments (7)
he hardest thing i learned was that love can be real and someone can still be unable to show up for it. i would let his actions sit for a bit before sending another message, because chasing clarity from someone who is asking for space can hurt even more.
he said “i can’t be the person you’re asking for,” did he mean he doesn’t want the relationship right now, or did he mean he feels incapable of being there while he’s struggling?
I have no idea, I would ask but I probably wouldn't get a reply. If I had to guess, I'd say it's about him disappointing me because he's incapable of looking after me right now whilst he's struggling.
waiting for someone who kept pulling away because they were struggling, and i kept thinking my love could make things feel safe again. the silence after you opened your heart hurts in a way people don’t always understand.
I am in a VERY similar situation. My ex left saying that he couldn't handle the pressure of a romantic relationship with anyone and that he wasn't feeling desire. also gave up a lot of his hobbies and wasn't spending time with his son from a previous relationship. he is living with his mom now, but I struggle wanting to text him everyday. what keeps me going is the advice that if he wanted to reach out he could too. I think it's probably best to leave him be so he feels the consequences of not taking care of his mental health without you in his life. If you are always there to check on him and support him, regardless of whether or not he is there to give you what you need, he doesn't have to face reality without you. I am trying to use the time apart to focus on myself because for a long time I was putting all of my energy into his needs and taking care of him and our relationship. if we focus on ourselves, then hopefully they will come back when they realize what they missed out on. And if not then you will be a better stronger person afterwards. I know how incredibly hard it is though, and I don't always stick to that advice myself!
Thank you. I keep trying to think like that. But he showed me how important I was to him before going downhill again. I just don't want him to feel like I don't want him to reach out because I ended things. I want him to know that when he's ready to talk, I would definitely like to because our relationship was beautiful and I don't want it to end this way.
@SparkZip305 I feel the same way. But right now I feel like he is not the same man I fell in love with. so for me right now talking to him really does no good. I don't think he can see past what he's going through to see the hurt he is causing to everyone else. I have also tried writing down what I want to say to him or putting it into a draft text and then setting a timer and see if it's still something I want to send 2012 or 24 hours later. Hang in there! we're all in this together.