I’ve been in a strange in-between with someone for about nine months. We met through our shared professional world and over time we discovered an unusual intellectual and emotional connection. Our conversations would last for hours. We shared curiosity, humor, sobriety, similar values, and have a way of making each other feel deeply seen. There was never a clear declaration of feelings, but there’s definitely something there.
The complicated part is that I was in a long marriage that was no longer working. I made a commitment to handle that with integrity. Rather than use this connection as an escape hatch, I decided to separate for my own reasons and keep clear boundaries. I’ve stayed pretty platonic, limited contact, and committed to waiting until my divorce is finalized before making my feelings more known.
There is also a possible girlfriend in the picture, although I genuinely don’t know their current status. I knew he was dating someone at one point, but he hasn’t mentioned her in 8 months. I don’t want to invent a breakup simply because she stopped appearing in conversation, but I also don’t know whether he is still emotionally or practically unavailable. That uncertainty is another reason I have tried not to cross any lines.
The hard part is that he hasn’t made things easy to interpret. He reaches out every week or two, sends photos, articles, jokes, and thoughtful messages. He remembers little things I say. But he hasn’t suggested seeing each other in person for seven months. It has become a relationship that exists almost entirely through text, and that ambiguity has been incredibly difficult. I don’t know whether he is afraid, unavailable, uninterested, protecting his relationship, respecting my divorce, or maintaining a connection he enjoys without wanting it to become more.
I’ve overanalyzed every message and looked for hidden meanings. I’ve caught myself treating breadcrumbs like clues in a mystery instead of accepting that uncertainty is sometimes just uncertainty.
No contact isn’t really about forgetting him, It’s about giving myself the chance to build my new life without asking someone else’s mixed signals to rescue me. I need to stop living inside the possibilities of his relationship status, his intentions, and his silence.
Some days I miss him terribly. but I really don’t want this to continue over texting alone. if he wants to see me he can initiate a meeting like he did in the beginning.
I’m just hoping that once my divorce is finalized I’ll have the clarity to know if he’s interested in something real, or let him go.
Last updated on:2026-08-02T00:18:11+05:30
Comments (5)
i lived in that weird space where every text felt like a sign. i kept holding onto the version of us i imagined, and it hurt realizing i was waiting on someone who wasn’t choosing me clearly
i’ve been here too, caring about someone who gave just enough to keep my hope alive.
how do you go nc when they check in every so often? it’s always too tempting to respond but then I always want more
when he stopped suggesting seeing you in person, did you ever bring it up directly with him or has it mostly stayed unspoken?
thanks for the comment. The last time he suggested we hang out I had been separated for two months but hadn’t told him yet bc I didn’t want him to think he was the cause of my divorce. so when he suggested we see each other I told him about the separation and it’s been only texts no invite since.