One day I will be asked by my crying daughter
How I got over
My first love.
But I will come up empty,
Staring without seeing,
Hearing without understanding.
She will shake me and
Ask why I am freezing.
But I won’t be in this moment.
I’ll be miles away in another world
Where he decided I was enough.
That my love was enough.
Those blue eyes will
Assure me that I am loved by him
And then I’ll be pulled again
To another world.
The one from years ago,
The true reality that I could never face.
A reality that includes
My first love.
His words would hold the world,
My heart would be held in his hands,
Beating violently at the sight
Of a man so pure.
Time would pass and the day would come,
The day my heart breaks.
It is a warm day,
We don’t talk, but I wait patiently for him,
Curled up with the moon behind me,
Staring at my phone
As though I can will him to speak.
And I give in.
I send the first text that will end it all,
A text that should have told me how he was
Doing and not that my life would stop.
But it brings sharp tears to my
Eyes anyway.
I don’t push it, I don't fight,
I let it happen
Because my heart won’t be able to take
another fight.
That day my heart was thrown
Into an open abyss, so dark and drowning
I fear I won’t be able to crawl out.
Days pass and I don’t notice.
The only thing I feel is the trickle of blood
And warm tears that mix into it.
I don’t cry because of the pain,
I cry because I know I wasn’t enough.
That I will never be enough for
Someone to love.
For him to love.
Time would pass and I would try again,
But all I see is the broken promises
And the broken soul
That resulted from a hopeless love story.
And so when my daughter asks
How I ever got over my first love,
I shrug and pat her head.
Because the love for him
Lingers in my heart even with
A ring bounding me to someone else.
Last updated on:2026-08-03T23:03:11+05:30
Comments (5)
the line about "i know i wasn't enough" really got me. i believed that lie after my breakup too, because he walked away so quietly. with time i saw that his choice wasn't the measure of my worth, even if it felt like it for a long time.
if your daughter really asked you that one day, do you think you'd tell her the story exactly as you lived it, or would you want her to believe something kinder about herself than you believed about you?
id want her to believe something kinder and therefore make something up.
i carried my first love around for years too, even after life kept moving, and i hated myself for it. i finally realized missing someone and wanting them back were never the same thing.
and i think you’re absolutely right, but even when things are so different they can go so painfully hand in hand. for situations like these, oftentimes they do.