Our relationship definitely wasn't perfect. We loved each other a lot, but there were recurring problems too. He could be very unreliable and was constantly late, sometimes by hours, which caused a lot of arguments and hurt. He was also incredibly stubborn and I often felt like once he'd decided something, it was almost impossible to get him to understand things from my perspective. At the same time, there were so many good parts of our relationship and so much familiarity and comfort between us that it's difficult for me to just look back on it as a "bad relationship."
We had a break before eventually breaking up properly. He told me that he'd lost the romantic love he had for me and didn't want to be in a relationship anymore. Since then things have become increasingly distant. We've had periods of contact and periods where I've blocked him because talking to him was hurting me too much. More recently, I was going to be in the area where he lives and told him he could come and see me if he wanted. He said he didn't think he would because it would make things complicated.
I think that's when it really hit me that this might genuinely be over. A part of me has been living with this quiet hope that eventually he'll miss me, realise what we had and come back. Even stupid little things trigger it — I'll hear a loud car that sounds like his and for a split second my brain thinks it could be him coming back.
I know logically that I can't build my life around somebody returning, but emotionally I'm struggling to catch up with that.
For anyone who's lost a long-term relationship with someone they still loved: how did you actually accept that they weren't coming back? And how did you stop secretly holding onto that hope while still grieving the relationship?
Last updated on:2026-08-10T17:53:11+05:30
Comments (3)
i've been there, especially with the little things like hearing a familiar car and having that split second of “maybe it's him.” i kept waiting for some sign he'd come back, and that hope made every quiet day hurt twice as much.
i was letting myself miss him without checking for reasons he might return.
do you miss him as he is now, or the comfort and familiarity of who he was when you were together?