I am typing this to say, when does it get better guys?
Three years of my life, I have only known this man. To make matters worse, he is my first relationship, actually my first everything. Accepting that it is over is something I am struggling to do. We have been on and off a lot in the three years. This might be our second longest break up but it feels final now.
He avoids me, he ensures he is not in my space and all I can do is respect him and his decision. Ironic, we broke up because he felt like I disrespected him for standing up for myself, and fair, I could have gone about it differently and I know that now. However, I don't regret standing up for myself. But I am somewhat finally giving him the respect he asked for even though it kills me inside.
My insides are telling me to go to his house and tell him how much I know we can make it work but we all know how that ends, right?
Anyway, I love him very much and I just want him to be happy. Even without me (that's the maturity kicking in, if you had asked me on day 22? Heck no. I wanted it to be with me so badly.)
Last updated on:2026-09-03T03:41:12+05:30
Comments (5)
the hardest part about your first love is that you don't have a blueprint yet for how you survive losing them.
did something specific happen today that made the temptation to go to his house hit so much harder than yesterday?
Not today, yesterday. We go to the same gym, when he saw me walk in he kind of ran away and sat at the couch to look at me for a bit so I do not know, is it longing? Or I read too much into it?
the urge to show up at his house and fight for it one last time is SO real, especially when it's your first everything. after my first big breakup i used to physically ache from holding myself back from driving to his place, but giving him that space even when it tears you apart takes incredible strength.
Thank you for this, you kind of validated my feelings. I feel less crazy.