Everything started out so good. He treated me well I trusted him opened up to him and stayed loyal. We dated for eight months. I know that doesn’t sound long but it meant a lot to me because I usually avoid relationships and never took anyone seriously until him.During Ramadan he asked for a break. I was already going through a hard time so I became extra anxious and kept reaching for reassurance. I didn’t understand Ramadan and he never explained it to me. Then the week before Valentine’s Day he broke up with me completely. He still took me out on Valentine’s Day and we had a good time but my heart was shattered. I’ve never felt pain like that.For the next two months I completely lost myself. My spark disappeared. I cried randomly and felt no joy in almost anything. Right after the breakup I even cut my long hair into a bob with kitchen scissors — something huge for me because I always loved my hair and never understood why women did things like that when they were hurting.I don’t know exactly how long it’s been but I still cry about him sometimes. I still love him and it feels like a physical pain in my chest. I blocked him and deleted everything except a few pictures. Seeing those still sends me into a sad spiral. Certain songs make me cry and think of him. It feels like he took a piece of me with him. I’ve never had my heart broken like this and I’m so tired of carrying the hurt and sadness. When will it end? Will this pain last forever?I’ve tried using other men as a distraction but it only made me feel worse. His face still pops into my mind randomly.A few weeks ago I messed up. I found his number unblocked him and called (my friend encouraged me 😂). He missed the call but called me back. The second I heard “Hello” I hung up so fast. My whole body started shaking and I was laughing like a psycho while rushing to block him again. Now it feels like all the progress I made over the months got undone because I let curiosity win.I’m so so tired of missing him loving him and hurting over him.
Last updated on:2026-09-09T22:48:11+05:30
Comments (4)
please don't beat yourself up over that phone call. i once reached out to my ex after months of no contact and felt like i'd ruined EVERYTHING, but a bad night doesn't erase the months you spent getting through it.
that “hello” clearly brought everything rushing back. do you think you miss him as he is now, or are you missing the person you felt safe enough to open up to back then?
first heartbreak where you finally let someone in and then suddenly they're gone. i remember feeling like i'd lost a whole version of myself with my ex, and the random songs and tiny reminders could wreck me all over again.
The process of missing someone you loved is hard and can take long. You calling him wasn’t the best haha. Try to focus on yourself, look for joy in the small things and try to love yourself. Eventually you’ll find someone who loves you, I know you want him to be it. But you’ll get over it. Keep your head up.