How do you go from lovers to roommates?

I was a workhorse. I worked long stressful hours and came home completely drained most days. I didn’t have energy for much of anything but I still tried. Every few weeks I’d stop and get her flowers or a nice gift. More often than not I cooked dinner or picked something up on the way home.We’ve only been married for under a year. Before that we were together for three years and lived together for two. I wasn’t perfect and I know that but I felt like I was trying.One of the biggest issues was our days off. My first day off was the same as hers. By then I was exhausted from the work week and didn’t want to do much but I still tried. She said it always felt like spending time with her was an inconvenience for me. It wasn’t. I was just genuinely drained mentally and physically and still wanted to be with her.I even came up with a plan for rotating weeks — one week we stay home and relax the next week we do whatever she wanted. That became a point of contention. She felt like she was wasting her day off while I felt like I was finally getting a chance to recharge. The arguments over it kept growing so I stopped asking for chill days and started pushing myself to go out and do whatever she wanted. Over time I became more and more dead during the week. I wanted to do less and less when I got home. Cooking every night turned into takeout almost every day. Between the stress of work and the weight of the relationship I gained about 80 pounds — going from 260 to 340. That only made my energy and drive worse.Even then I kept trying. On my second day off when I had a little more energy I’d spend 10 hours in the kitchen making elaborate meals for her. Those efforts never seemed to bring the joy I hoped for. It started eating at me every day — “What can I do better?” I’d ask her what I could change and she’d say nothing everything was fine.Almost all the household responsibilities fell on me: taking care of the cats dishes laundry trash general cleaning everything. I started feeling resentment and told her. She said she was depressed and didn’t feel like doing it. I understood but by that point I was depressed and feeling unloved too — and I still kept doing everything.The only thing that stayed active was our sex life. We went at it constantly — usually every day or every other day and most times it was two or three rounds. I don’t know if that was some kind of relationship-saving measure but if it was it didn’t work.She suggested couples therapy a while back. Every time we got close to actually going things would improve for a bit and I’d decide we didn’t need it. That was my fault. We should have gone.Now the fights have stopped and silence has settled in. At the end of the day I still love her and want nothing more than to stay married. She told me she hasn’t felt like I loved her in a long time. I’m emotionally limited — I struggle to perceive or feel most emotions unless they’re extreme. Part of that comes from my job part of it is just how I’ve always been. I’ve gone from almost no emotion to completely breaking down sobbing and begging for anything and she wants nothing.Neither of us has enough saved to break the lease yet. We’re looking at 2–3 months before we can both get on our feet separately. I should be able to pick up enough overtime in a month to cover my share of everything and move out. We’re on a signed lease together and she won’t be able to come up with her share that quickly. Do I help her?How do I navigate living with a woman I still love deeply but can no longer be romantically involved with? Neither of us really has anywhere else to stay during the work week without adding an hour-plus commute. We’re aiming for a clean dissolution. I don’t want anything of hers and I don’t believe she wants anything of mine. Any gifts given I view as a wash. But she wants me to pay her back for the expensive gifts she gave me (about $1000 — the TV and Xbox). I’ve given her roughly $2–3k in gifts plus a $2k engagement ring (I’ve already told her she can sell it). I’m honestly thinking of just paying the $1k so we can have a clean break and avoid lawyer fees that would cost far more.The only things I want to keep are my retirement account my nearly paid-off car my clothes a few hunting items and some cheap but sentimental heirlooms. Everything else she can have.We live in a one-bedroom place so I’m sleeping on the couch for the next few months. We’ve agreed there will be no romantic partners or sex while we’re still married and living together. Those are just words right now — I have no intention of breaking them but I can’t speak for her.How does someone go from cuddles kisses and long nights to just roommates?
Do I still look out for my soon-to-be former partner?Do I cook dinner for two or just for myself?Do I help her financially if she needs it?Do I still cry when Facebook memories pop up? (Yes.)Do I shut down almost all communication except the basics and anything related to the split?Do I stay out late after work and only come home to sleep?Do I just work as much as possible so my mind stays busy?

Last updated on:2026-09-10T00:57:12+05:30