I knew he wasn't for me. Everytime I'd try to communicate or needed reassurance, he'd get distant or think that I wanted to fight.
The last time it happened he broke up with me. I asked for reassurance (again). He immediately got defensive and started telling me all the things that made him mad, especially because the last week we had something unsolved. He felt like he made all the effort in the relationship and all I did was ask for more. I know that I wasn't right all the time. It is valid for him to feel that way. He'd never communicated, though. He didn't care that he was hurting me, because he thought I deserved it.
In his mind I was ungrateful and greedy. He told me that I didn't care about him or his feelings, so why would he continue to tolerate me?
All I did at the end was to beg a little, when I knew. I told him to at least wait until I was back from my vacation to talk, but he was determined. I feel so much shame that I tolerated his problematic behaviour just because I wanted to feel loved in the romantic way. It's hard to let the anger that you also had, die in your throat. Now I'm catching myself waiting for him to feel the guilt, but maybe it is futile.
Last updated on:2026-09-21T04:04:35+05:30
Comments (5)
i had to stop making his guilt part of my healing. i could admit where i messed up and still be angry about the ways he hurt me, and honestly that took some of the weight off because i wasn’t waiting for him to make my pain valid anymore.
You're so right. I often feel the anger, but then I immediately think how it was okay to hurt me, like we were enemies. I guess time and work will eventually heal
if he came back tomorrow and gave you the apology you’re hoping for, what would you need him to actually say for that shame to loosen its grip?
Oh... I've thought about it. I just want him to realize that he fumbled me. Maybe put himself down, like he did with me or say that I'm worthy or hard to find... something to boost my confidence. It seems funny. I know that healing isn't about them, but the journey's hard, especially when I think that it might be easier for them...
waiting for the apology felt like waiting for proof that i hadn’t imagined how badly i was hurt. i kept thinking once he admitted his part, maybe i could finally stop feeling ashamed for staying so long.