My ex (23f) broke up with me in May and we had a lot of times where we reconnected but she never could commit, everytime we got close to talking about us again she'd say I should've done this sooner and that she's done.
I've accepted this and the fact that she really doesn't want to reconcile our relationship, but I absolutely hate myself for taking full responsibility.
I got "micro" cheated on multiple times in our 2.5 year relationship, she made me feel extremely guilty about the fact that she had an abortion with her and and she told me that the only reason she had it removed was because she met me and wanted to give us a shot (apparently she wasnt single and she was pregnant when we went on our first date)
I for sure did a lot of things wrong, after the first time she hid talking to another guy behind my back I never got back into the romantic version of me, I didn't buy her anymore flowers, I didn't really try to take her out on dates etc because I felt like she broke our trust but I still was extremely in love with her
she broke things up with me and after 2 weeks she already slept with another guy (from her remote sales job that I actually got her when she went on a business trip to another country for a week) she told me this and quickly after asked me out on a date. We went and everything was so good but she turned cold basically a few days after.
I tried for so long to try and give it another shot before I ever actually talked to my close friends and family about what happened because I was afraid that telling them the details would mean I could never be with her again because they would've never supported it. I just recently told them and I feel absolutely sick to my stomach about the fact that each time she turned warm and then cold again I was taking full responsibility, even though I was always loyal and I feel like a big part of our issue was just communication.
I forgave a lot of stuff that she did because she's very traumatized since she was raped by her oldest brother when she was 10, I cant shake the feeling that because I took all responsibility and tried so hard to make it work that she thinks she did nothing wrong and its all my fault.
even her own brother (her youngest brother not the oldest one that abused her) told me that I'm absolutely crazy if I take her back and that she brings chaos everywhere that she goes.
All this makes me feel like absolute shit, why couldn't I be a man and see that she disrespected me and step away, why did I waste months on a girl that probably never felt about me the way I felt about her. I should've left her, not the other way around.
I dont want any type of revenge but I just hope she can some day see that even tho I took responsibility for everything I only did that because of love and not because I believed it was all my fault
Last updated on:2026-09-22T20:51:12+05:30
Comments (3)
stop beating yourself up for taking the fall for things that were NOT your fault. when you love someone, taking blame feels like a price you pay to fix things, but right now the best thing you can do is write down every single way she disrespected you so you stop romanticizing the relationship when that guilt creeps back in.
when you finally laid all the details out to your friends and family, what was the main thing they said that made you realize how much you were actually taking on?
i took the blame for everything with my ex just to keep the peace and keep her around, even while she was actively hiding stuff from me and making me feel like garbage. it took me way too long to realize that taking all the fault doesn't make them love you more, it just gives them permission to treat you worse.