* i would get upset when he didn’t put hearts or our usual “good morning” and “good night” messages in every text, because for 5 years I was used to it, and when he stopped, it made me panic.
*I cried when he asked to stop Snapchat-calling so much in the evenings because I thought he didn’t love me anymore, and I didn’t really listen to his needs. Especially since we were already calling less and less for shorter periods, so I felt like I needed it even more.
* I would complain about him being online on social media while leaving me on delivered for a long time sometimes.
* I never cooked, but I did the dishes to compensate, except I used a lot of water and it annoyed him.
* I was always late (and as you know, I even arrived 45 minutes late to our PACS appointment).
* I stayed in his room with him all the time, even when he was working, instead of going upstairs to help his parents or talk with them. I tried to get closer to them, but I’m shy and not very interesting.
* I asked for a lot of cuddling and affection, while he said he didn’t like just sitting around doing nothing. He found my need for affection annoying.
* One day I acted immaturely and got annoyed with his little brother after losing at chess and said “fine, I’m done playing,” even though I was the adult and he was just a child acting childish.
* I was very disorganized, always postponing everything, and outside of work I barely left my bed. I didn’t even look for the PACS venue, he had to do it because I kept putting it off. (To compensate, I handled the menu.)
* I gained 15 kilos during the 5 years of our relationship and refused to exercise.
* When I saw him becoming distant, I didn’t communicate and kept everything bottled up until I exploded and put a lot of pressure on him while he was studying for exams.
* …probably other things too.
My God, I’m awful. I understand why he lost feelings for me and left me. I wish I could detach myself, but he was such a wonderful person and spent 5 years adapting to all my needs. I’ll never find someone better or be as happy again.
Last updated on:2026-05-09T13:02:41+05:30
Comments (8)
You weren't toxic. I'd get upset when he'd start being dry and saying okay instead of okieee because I could feel him getting distant and I was right
thank!
i can hear how much shame you’re carrying right now. but did he ever actually sit down and communicate these things clearly while you were together, or are you piecing it all together alone after the breakup and blaming yourself for everything?
Honestly, he asked me for certain things, like calling less often, but without reassuring me about the state of the relationship or telling me that he was emotionally pulling away. So I got really insecure, and we kept going like before because I was crying. I thought it was okay for him. Sometimes he would also say “I need space” without ever explaining what that actually meant for him, so I would just leave him alone on his phone thinking that was what he wanted. Finally, he would say things like “I don’t like doing nothing” or “we shouldn’t stay in bed,” and “my parents don’t like that”… for that, I don’t think I really have an excuse.
when someone starts pulling away, you end up trying harder and harder to hold onto what used to feel safe. i learned the hard way that one person carrying all the blame after a breakup usually means they’re looking at the relationship through heartbreak, not clarity.
I feel like i was the one who make 80 per cent of the mistake. i was thinking alwalys just about me. he tried but became too tired
i used to do the same thing after my breakup, replay every little moment and turn myself into the villain. i kept a whole mental list of reasons he stopped loving me. but loving someone deeply and being anxious or messy or insecure doesn’t make you awful.
Some people have told me that these are behaviors that can push someone to leave due to exhaustion.