hey thank you everyone on this app I am feeling like I might have made my progress and developed the numbness I needed to fully separate and avoid the person I was with. I came to terms I fucked up the relationship because I procrastinated (not avoid but got scared of what would happen) with my own feelings and decisions. she broke up with me and I learned from my mistakes. I am now able to look her in her face and smile and not feel any pain. I regret it happened and I do feel guilty from it happening but it no longer hurts. I dont feel the need to cry anymore nor do I feel the need to keep up with the story because I dont care what anyone thinks of me anymore. I kissed her scars and told her they were beautiful. when I broke down and wondered what life really meant and what was the purpose to keep pushing and striving she said it reminded her of what someone else would say to keep her from leaving. but I was not suicidal I was at a bottom where I felt like I lost it all. I still care about her but I dont know if my love for her is still there. I do not judge her for leaving me. I didnt listen when she wanted some space for herself. thats my fault but I still smile on all the good times because I know I loved her during those and it makes me feel warm inside. but I am giving up the dreams of a family. I am giving up on it all. I no longer feel the need to cry. I no longer care about the rumors that have been left in my wake saying I was a bad or violent person. when I would choose peace and to walk away from a conflict. I feel at peace with myself finally and I know that whatever happens will be for a reason. I am going to become better for myself now not for anyone else. I finally started to love myself in the mirror again and I do not feel anxious about it. If she were to reach out to me I would be cordial but I do not know if I would go above and beyond again but I know I still am not mad at her but I feel a little disappointed in it all.
Last updated on:2026-05-14T21:07:11+05:30
Comments (4)
do you feel like you’ve truly let go of the idea of a future with her, or are you still grieving the version of life you thought you’d have together
both and neither
first time in a while you’re choosing yourself instead of chasing closure or trying to fix the story. that part about loving yourself in the mirror again hit HARD.
i could finally look at my ex without that ache in my chest and it honestly shocked me. the guilt stayed longer than the heartbreak for me too.