Why i lost the love of my life to my own choices

this one is hard to admit.
i had what felt like the most beautiful intelligent and caring woman in the world and i lost her because i chose the streets over the relationship.
we met when we were 16 and spent three years together. at the time i truly believed i was doing everything for us. i was hustling because i wanted to provide a better life for both of us. what i couldn't see back then was the fear and anxiety my choices were causing her. she never knew where i was whether i was safe or if i was even coming home.
when i was 19 i got arrested for things i had done the year before. after spending 10 months in county jail i accepted a deal that led to a 42-month sentence. i hoped she would stay but after a few months she couldn't do it anymore.
around that time she found messages on my phone where i had been flirting with other women. i never physically cheated but i wasn't honest either and i understand why that hurt her.
she's been no contact with me for almost two years now. every once in a while i'd check to see if i was still blocked until recently when i found out her number had been disconnected.
what still gets me is knowing how much pain i caused and realizing that there are some things you can't undo. i'm still serving my sentence and should be released in september. you'd think i'd be excited but honestly part of me is scared. every step closer to freedom reminds me that the life i had before is gone and so is the person i loved most.
i know i'm still young but right now it feels like i'll never love anyone the way i loved her. i spend a lot of time thinking about the person i used to be and wishing i had made different choices.
if anyone else has ever struggled with regret losing someone because of your own mistakes or hating the version of yourself that caused the damage i'd love to know i'm not alone.

Last updated on:2026-06-23T17:52:12+05:30