Back to 42 days of NC since the last time I've seen my ex. Couldn't be more thankful that I'm out of that dynamic, the "anxious/ avoidant" loop. I understand what i need to and I have been through enough to understand that this is unhealthy, so very unhealthy. That this person does not have the emotional capability to give me what i need. Idk if he played in my face the beginning of the relationship, if anything was real, but it was real enough for me and ive done enough hurting and grieving to know that this is done. Because I claim it is done, I claim my independence, my world.
Started journaling everyday. Picking up better and way more healthy hobbies. Stopped ruminating, completely have turned myself around compared to the first 45 days I stayed away. (Broke NC on day 115 the first go round.)
I can have love and still care for this person, but theres a moment when you wake up to yourself and have got to realize that the patterns, the dynamic, the dismissal, and constant rejection is a means to keep you stuck, and im done gambling with my heart.
Here's to saying goodbye, with love.
Goodbye to the version of me that needed validation from someone who cant even give it to themselves.
Goodbye to the version of me that felt the need to stay with a "man" that had the emotional consistency of a garden snail.
Goodbye to the version of me that was left in the ruin of a relationship and didnt feel safe in my own life anymore. I have my back now, and I am so thankful that the day has come to feel this amount of relief, that I am no longer attached to any outcome with this person.
Bye-bye đź‘‹
Last updated on:2026-06-12T19:47:48+05:30
Comments (7)
was there a specific moment during these 42 days where something just clicked and you stopped hoping he'd become the person you needed him to be?
Yep, from therapy and learning about my attachment style, I learned that I stayed with him for so long out of fear. I didnt want to lose what I had with him. But as I learned more, I realized that that fear is gone, and underneath was all the love I still had for him. thats not gone, but what is is expecting someone to come around and chose repair when he doesnt even know what that looks like. Hope is a dangerous drug that can keep you stuck, I still have that hope that maybe one day he'd understand but im not betting on it. I have literally rebuilt my life from the ground up since the breakup and I wouldn't change a thing because of what came with everything I've learned. I chose myself.
wow this spoke to my soul … honestly I’ve been in the same rollacoaster for the past 1and half years with my child’s dad and I thought the harder I try he will notice me but he kept on destroying me and today it’s day 8 of no contact I pray I go far and erase him completely 🙏
You will get there, stay strong! Focus on your journey, your life. That has been the answer for me. If anything changes, it will come from the time it does, not because of how intense my emotions are. But from real growth and change.
@xoxoboi thank you so much for this , he tried to reach out on day nine but I completely dint pick up his calls I dint want to ruin my progress because I am totally over his unrealistic excuses I want to heal my heart and move on with my life
i love reading posts like this because i've been in that anxious/avoidant loop too. one day i realized i was spending more energy trying to earn consistency than actually enjoying the relationship. that relief when you finally step out of it is REAL.
One thing ill leave here with you that really helped me undo alot if patterens: "the intensity of the anxious state had become associated with how much the relationship mattered. When it decreases, it can feel brief, like caring less. Like something important went quiet. It didnt. What went quiet was fear. The love underneath it was always there, it just finally had room to exist without the chaos around that relationship."