it's been over 130 day's of nc but for us let's call it separation. wow it's been over 4 months now. thought i was doing good great! even for the past week, i didn't even check his profile(on tiktok)for over a month until yesterday and few day's before. that wasn't the problem you see i didn’t feel anything when i checked his profile for the 1st time in a while, the thing is i've been talking to some guys these past months and weeks, and that's where the real struggle hit.
Checking his profile didn't even hurt that much, but trying to connect with someone new feels like I'm suffocating. I realized that I'm not just missing "a partner"I'm mourning a very specific, intuitive connection that I haven't found anywhere else.
The weirdest part is seeing myself become avoidant. The more I realize what I'm actually looking for, the more I pull away from everyone else. Talking to these new guys feels so shallow. They say things that are supposed to be nice, or they try to "fix" me, but they don't actually see me. It makes me miss the version of my ex who used to understand my silence and comfort my tears before he turned cold.
It hurts to admit that I'm still not over him in the slightest. I still freaking love him. In a way, I feel okay being away from him because I know it wasn't safe, but at the same time, I feel deeply wounded beyond repair. There's this heavy realization that he’s the only one who could be the cure, even though he’s the one who caused the wound.
I guess 130 days isn't just about not texting him; it's about realizing how much space that connection still takes up in my heart, and how hard it is to find someone who even comes close to that level of understanding.
Last updated on:2026-06-19T18:00:12+05:30
Comments (7)
nobody new was going to feel like my ex right away. i kept comparing every conversation to years of history and closeness. once i stopped expecting that instant connection, i felt less frustrated with people.
i kept thinking i missed having a partner, then i realized i missed one very specific person and the way he seemed to understand me without words. dating after that felt almost impossible for a while.
yeah that's exactly is... but does it get better will i ever find him in another person
is it who he was near the end, or the person he was before things turned cold?
the person he was before he turns went cold after we got back together
yeah that sounds really tough. I find talking to people to find new friendships and not focus on the dating aspect helps a little.
yeah but the men i talk to just want to turn things around and date me, even if i explained myself they just won't get it. they keeping talking about having a family and stuff like which make me feel uncomfortable and suffocated you know.