My ex and I have been trying to make something work for the last month but it is incredibly toxic. The effort we are putting in is so low, because we both remember the trauma.
My nervous system was constantly on high alert. Every phone call we had had the potential to turn toxic and have me tossing and turning all night unable to sleep.
After a breakup, we tend to remember the nights and mornings together, the trips, the laughs, the intimate moments. Your brain tricks you into thinking you want your ex back.
I stood her up today because she messages me saying "Morning", which is a pathetic effort. We were supposed to go shopping today but I called her and told her she is not meeting my standard. She said she did not want to argue with me and we hung up the phone.
The version of our ex that is in our mind is not the version that exists in reality today. Protect your headspace and heart, think twice before going back.
Last updated on:2026-10-04T18:26:55+05:30
Comments (13)
Hey brother, hope you're doing good!
I've taken your advice lately and I have been steadily improving, my ex actually contacted me yesterday about me going out to a festival that she apparently noticed I was going to. I asked her calmy that I didn't understand why she cares about me planning things with friends and she got angry, told me she "needed this" and that I should "choke on it" lol.
almost like she could feel me finally detaching, tried to get in touch and didn't expect me to fall for her bait.
Doing way better and hope you're still on the right path as well bro!
hey bro. I am still doing okay. Theres some work issues I am working through but I am still showing up for myself and eating clean/training .I am actually thinking about her a little more often recently since it was her birthday and Im wondering what shes up to from time to time.But I remind myself of my destination and where I am going. These girls were never meant to be in our life forever bro. We shared some good moments with them and learned some valuable lessons, now we take those lessons and move forward. God speed bro. Keep in touch !
@Havingablast It's really not a linear path, I have some days where I don't think about her at all and there are days that I cant get her out of my head
Good to hear that regardless of the situation you're still improving. And you're right, it was an experience I needed to actually grow. I'm grateful that it happened before I got kids or got married.
Good hearing from you again brother, I just remind myself how it was a few months ago and the progress is undeniable!
@FunkPop123 for sure bro. I remember when you and I felt like absolute shit and could barely have the energy to hit the gym or leave the house. I went on a few dates with a chick and was getting close to her, but I decided to not date for a little while so I can achieve some goals and grow as a person first. I wont lie I do feel lonely at times, but I remind myself I am on the right path, and sometimes the road to success is a lonely one.
@Havingablast exactly man, I've been slowly improving and same as you I also went on a date but it felt rushed. I've decided to keep my peace for now and make sure to be 100% myself again before I start dating
I have the exact experience with feeling lonely, but I'd rather be lonely than go through this hell again
Thinking of you on your last day of work today. I hope it goes OK.
It means so much lovely. Thank you. I'm just busy training the new guy so no chance to think about her much. She is not working mornings today so atleast I have a clear run for most of the day. I really hope she is not working afternoons as I really never wanna see her again.
i'm glad you paid attention to how your body was reacting. when i realized i was losing sleep and waiting for the next argument, i knew love alone wasn't enough to make it work.
It took me over a month before I realised it was the toxic relationship. Ive lost so much weight becomes my appetite and sleep were wrecked. Im slowly now starting to eat and sleep again. My biggest problem is I work with her so have to cross paths almost everyday.
were you missing the version of the relationship that existed before all the hurt happened?
Yes. When we first met we were crazy about each other. There was excitement and energy. But with time, the trauma has made things sour. For example a few weeks ago we went on an amazing date, and then the very next day she became anxious and put her walls back up.
i missed the memories so much that i forgot how anxious i felt every single day we were together. getting back together just brought all that stress right back.
how long did you date before and how long have you been dating now? The anxiety of not being secure in a relationship is so annoying. It impacts your life so much