My ex-fiancé and I ended our relationship in November after I found out he had been cheating on me with a coworker. We were together for over ten years engaged for two of them and we have a child together. Since the breakup we've stayed in touch occasionally and while the feelings haven't disappeared overnight I'm finally starting to heal.
Recently I learned that he's still talking to the same coworker he cheated with. I think that was the moment the last bit of hope I was holding onto finally disappeared. As painful as it is I know I deserve better. I know what respect and loyalty should look like and I know I shouldn't settle for less.
The idea of dating again honestly scares me. I don't even remember what it's like since I spent most of my adult life with one person. I've heard so many horror stories about dating these days especially online and it's hard not to feel nervous. I'm 38 and all I really want is to find someone who wants to love me with the same care and commitment that I'm ready to give.
It's been about seven months since the breakup. Is that enough time to start putting myself out there again? Has anyone had a positive experience easing back into dating or trying online dating after such a long relationship?
Last updated on:2026-07-07T21:12:23+05:30
Comments (6)
I hear you. I am also 38 and my ex broke up with me out of the blue recently. We had been together for ten years. I suspect there is a colleague of his involved, since in the last few months he has been spending time with her. I definitely get the holding on to hope and having it crushed more and more as time goes on. We are still young! My mum is in her sixties and in a new, loving relationship. There is no rush for us, at the moment all we can do is heal and survive.
How did you figure that you were just using them as a distraction/replacement?
It's not much about time but about you feeling ready. I wouldn't go for online dating if it's something you are not at ease with, there are still other ways to date, don't force it, do the things you like to do, what makes you feel good and at ease, this is where you will most likely find more chances to date a person that clicks with you without forcing it.
I think its good just to go on practise dates and look at them as just that. use it as an opportunity to get out, meet different people and make some friends. having the goal of finding a boyfriend narrows your openess to just getting back into it. that would be my advice.
I started dating and entered into 2 relationships within a year but both didn't work out.
Not because they don't loved me but I treated the love for my ex as the "Gold Standard" version of my love for a girl.
I realised that I was just using them as a distraction and a replacement for my ex. It wasnt fair to them.
I have no experience to give you advice on this but I believe you're not supposed to fully heal before you get yourself back out there. 7 Months is more than good enough to have a time off I'd say. Work on the remaining aspects of your issues while progressing in your dating life.