My girlfriend broke up with me about two months ago. For the first two weeks I begged and pleaded, but she eventually told me she was seeing someone else and that I should do the same.
Fast forward three weeks and she contacted me out of the blue, reminiscing about our time traveling. We worked online and traveled together for two years. She asked me out on a date. Even though I knew better, I could not resist seeing her. The date was fun. We avoided relationship talk and just enjoyed the day. However, the next day I received voice messages about how she does not know if she still feels it and that we broke up for a reason. I suggested we just keep things casual and do fun activities. We planned another date, but she called it off last minute. I realized she was avoiding me, so I kept my response short and returned to no contact.
Since then she has been breadcrumbing me with requests for financial and workout advice. I replied, but I did not want to initiate further conversation, so I cut it off. We had four days of no contact, and for the last week and a half I felt content and accepted the situation. Then she randomly asked how I was doing. Work was going great and I started working out, so I told her I am good and hope she is as well. She said she wasn't doing too good and stressed about her new job. I felt like I was used just as a chatbot or something for her to express her feelings to, so I told her to give it a chance rather than quit. And again cut of the conversation.
We had no contact for another three days until my birthday. She congratulated me and I thanked her. She mentioned she hoped I had a fun day and I replied with a heart. That same day I got drunk. In the early morning/night I stupidly contacted her saying I was drunk and missed her, but that I know it is not going to work. She told me I was acting weird and "should take care of myself."
When I woke up I apologized. I told her my messages were childish and that I did not recognize myself. I was frustrated because I had started to improve, but she kept coming back, being hot and cold and I guess it was giving me false hope.
I am back to no contact, but I am confused. I love her, but I have given up the chase. My drunken messages were just a moment of weakness and I feel horrible. I secretly hoped that if I acted maturely and did not beg, she would see the improved me and want to try again. She has not responded to my apology. I am afraid I ruined my small chance and that she sees me as a weak man.
I was getting mixed signals and in my drunk mind I could not take it anymore. I wanted either total permanent no contact or an adult conversation, but I could not phrase it correctly while drunk. I am scared I messed up the chance she might have had to give us another shot. I am also mad at myself for allowing myself to be disrespected again.
This is the worst I have felt since the breakup. I feel like I am back to square one. My hope kept me going, but now that is gone.
I feel like an unmasculine joke. Everyone told me to stop responding to her, but I failed myself. I am sorry for the long story as I have nobody to talk to.
I really want my girl back, but I accepted it was over and wanted to handle it with dignity. Now I have zero chance and lost my self respect. I despise myself for screwing up and think she views me as a loser again.
Last updated on:2026-07-15T03:12:13+05:30
Comments (13)
you my narc comes back every time for 10 years. he would get back with an ex and come back every 5 or 6 months. im 4 months post break up but only 24 days of no contact. im really needing to not let him back when that happens again. im finally ready to never go back.
i broke no contact after drinking too, spent the next day convinced i'd erased every bit of progress. i hadn't. one bad night didn't erase the weeks where i kept choosing myself, even if it felt like it did.
Bro i went through something extremely similar to you. Went on an amazing date with my ex who I wanted back at the time, then she just put up her walls because she started catching feelings. Then we played a hot/cold toxic game and it impacted my eating and sleep so much. She would breadcrumb constantly just to keep me around, but then pull back. I also made a fool of myself for begging/pleading. Its crazy what emotions can do to a man. She contacted me a few days ago and my nervous system went back on high alert, so I havent spoken to her since. Im not making anymore effort.
I appreciate you brother. My ex actually asked to meet up today and again she turned warm but stated that she doesn't want a relationship "right now" but she doesn't know about the future.
it was stupid of me to go because, I knew before that I shouldn't have went but I did anyway.
I got home about an hour ago and told her that I wish her the best but that I now know that its over and that she could've just told me the truth. She got very defensive/upset and told me that she doesnt want a relationship now and she doesn't know if she might regret it or if she wants it in the future.
I told her that I was getting mixed signals because I was in no contact for 2 weeks but she kept breadcrumbing me and asking how I'm doing and she got angry telling me "I can just block you on everything" I ignored it and told her to have a good day and a safe trip.
I handled today very wrong but at least I have gotten some kind of closure and I broke the line she was keeping me on.
if you ever want to talk about your situation feel free brotherš¤
man, i'd stop treating that drunk text like it defines you. what finally helped me was admitting the hot and cold messages kept me hooked, so i had to stop replying, even when i wanted one more conversation.
when she reached out, did she ever actually say she wanted to rebuild the relationship, or was it mostly memories, advice, and checking in?
she asked me on a date, we did and it was a lot of fun but the day after she sent me a voice message saying the doesn't know and that she broke up with me for a reason.
its so hard and if you live in hope the wound does not heal - no contact is the only way each day it gets better. you will have bad days on those i try keeping busy go to Gym work on you.Time really helps look to future dont think of the past
I doubt that by you being drunk ruined your chances. It feels like she us using you for backup comfort because she knows you are there, I dont think she has any intentions of coming back. Its time you pour love back into yourself. You will feel much better staying in no contact
It's normal brother you're humanš„° .. now you can leave without regret
I know the feeling. After I started the no contact process Iāve already relapsed three times and itās really hard to keep your progress going because once I look at my progress, my brain wants me to go check his account and stuff because by looking at my progress, it reminds me of him and tells me to go check on him and it starts to progress over
been there. I learned in therapy that even though I am in control of my reactions and actions...that those reaction & actions are a defense mechanism i use to "burn the bridge" so there would be no possibility of going back. but that is an unhealthy way to heal and not very productive. just kept me cold and in a bad headspace about myself. I had to really just stop, step completely out of the picture. no contact for 22 days. I have less nervousness and anxiety. I sleep better. I am starting to embrace the quietness. I feel better. not much. but I take the small wins.
go easy on yourself. but my advice would be to step completely back. you cant make people hear you and even if they did...would it really change anything?
thank you for sharing that, I guess the hardest part is that she came back twice about wanting to reconnect just to turn cold again straight after.
It made it very hard for me to actually let go because I kept getting hope, and tbh I still have a small small amount of hope that I don't know how to get rid of.
I definitely relate to burning the bridges, I've been doing that so at least I have a definitive no.