Hi all!
I am new here and hoping this app can help me find some peace and healing. My spouse of 5 years moved out about a month ago. he is staying with his mother sleeping on the couch. while he tries to find a place of his own. he had been struggling for a few months before that, drawing away from hobbies, family, and friends. friends. Right before we were getting ready to take his aunt on a big vacation, I planned a date night for us and he had a major breakdown. he kept telling me he didn't want the "expectations" of a romantic relationship with anyone. We tried him moving into our guest room so he could focus on his mental health, but after about a month it was clear he wasn't doing anything to get better. he was very short-tempered with me when I would check-in, which is not what I agreed to, which led to Me telling him he either needed to actually get help or look for somewhere else to live, which is obviously what he chose to do. He has said multiple times that he has absolutely no interest in dating anyone right now, and that he thinks it will be a long long time before he is ready. he also said that he still cares about me, just cannot handle any romantic love. so right now I am stuck with the hope of wanting him to work on his mental health so he gets to a place where he can handle responsibility and come back to our home and to his family. but there has also been a lot of trust broken between us, so I'm also feeling scared that he is lying or that he won't get help even if he is telling the truth. I'm so lonely and really struggling with trying to balance the hope that he will come back with the reality of needing to heal and not being able to count on that happening. It's driving me crazy. feeling like I will do something that stops him from coming back, but also trying to meet my own needs.
Anyone that has been in a similar situation and can give me some guidance of what worked for you?
Last updated on:2026-07-23T20:47:56+05:30
Comments (10)
i had to stop making my healing depend on whether they came back, because i couldn't control that part. i still loved them, but i finally started taking care of me too.
he talks to you now, does it feel like he's actually taking steps to get help, or is it mostly promises that you're trying to hold onto?
he said he has been trying to get set up with a therpist though work. before I would have trusted him. no question, but now I really don't know what to believe. I think the only way I will know is to give it some time and see what he does.
have you looked into midlife crisis? that is what my ex is going through and it’s been so horrid. I’m so glad you’ve got a therapist!!!
That thought had occurred to me, but I didn't think to actually research it! I will check it out.
i've been in that place where i kept hoping the person i loved would come back once they felt better. i hung onto every little thing they said, and that hope kept me stuck for a long time.
this is intense and similar to my ex spouse. please get a therapist to support you right away.
I have been seeing a therapist! I honestly don't know what I would do without her.
It is really difficult when someone is struggling with mental health. unfortunately you can only support them when they want to do something about it. Its really important you put some love into yourself. Caring about someone else's mental health can be taxing.
I am finding that out! I miss him so much, but some things have been easier since he left. Less walking on egg shells wondering what will set him off.